Marriage and Family Jokes

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Wife to husband: ‘You certainly made a fool of yourself last night.
I just hope nobody realised you were sober.’

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Marriage and Family Jokes

My husband added some spice to our marriage.
He's left home.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?
Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Cannibal Jokes

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.
I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".

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Marriage and Family Jokes

A couple days ago, I was crossing this bridge, and there was this character standing there with a cup in his hand. He goes, Hey, can you help out my wife and family? I said, Sure. And I pushed him off the bridge.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Insult Jokes One-Liner Jokes

What do you call a соw who argues with her husband?
A bullfighter.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

Yo momma’s so fат, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

He never got married.
He said he didn’t want to make the same mistake once.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Always talk to your wife when you’re making love – assuming there’s a phone handy.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart.
I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement.
Simply devastated.
Won’t you please consider coming back to me?
You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill.
I can never marry another woman quite like you.
I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning?
I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P. S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs.
Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’
‘No,’ replies his wife.
‘Have you?’

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

My husband said he wanted more space.
So I locked him outside.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant.
My name, living address, phone number...

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Marriage and Family Jokes

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Are you happy?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Happier than you were with me?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Then Heaven must be an amazing place!"
"I'm not in Heaven, dear."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father.
He had a mother and a motherf*cker.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

My husband has a split personality – and I hate both of them.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes