Men jokes - Page 135

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

11 0

A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess.
He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile.
‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.

11 0

Animal Jokes Men jokes

A young man was walking into town one day when a wood hauler gave him a ride.
After traveling about a mile or two, the truck was stopped by the highway patrol for a weight check and inspection.
The truck inspection revealed the truck had slick tires; no horn; no head, tail or signal lights; no windshield wipers. Also, it was overloaded and had bad brakes.
“Mister,” the patrolman said to the driver, “I think the best way to charge you is ‘hauling wood without a truck.’”

11 0

Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

11 0

Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

What's the difference between a man and a messy room?
You can straighten up a messy room.

11 0

Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

11 0

Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Men and women were created equal but women continued to improve.

11 0

Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a sluт, but if a man does it… He’s gаy, definitely gаy.

12 0

Men jokes Sex Jokes

The man says,
"Will you buy вооzе?"
The вuм says,
"No."
The man says,
"Will you gamble it away?"
The вuм says,
"No."
So the man says,
"Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

12 0

Sports Jokes Men jokes

Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to рее.

12 0

Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him:
"I am placed in the door and told when to jump.
My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

12 0

Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word:
"I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"

12 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

12 0

Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

How do most men compare to Mel Gibson?
They have everything he has, except talent, money, and looks.

12 0

Money jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Man returning with his wife from guests.
Drunk man drives car better than his sober wife.
But there is only one problem, how to explain that to the policeman?

12 0

Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Life Jokes

An old man asks a blond:
If a guy would try to rаре you, will you scream for help?
If he can’t manage me by himself off course!

12 0

Blonde Jokes Men jokes

Most men regard blondes as a golden opportunity.

13 0

Blonde Jokes Men jokes

A man had an idea that could make him rich. After it was perfected he brought it to an inventors' help group.
When asked what his great invention was, he pulled out an apple.
The group looked at it and started laughing.
The inventor said,
"You don't understand! Taste it."
A volunteer tried it and said,
"Mmmmmmm, tastes like peaches."
The inventor said,
"Flip it over."
He flipped it over and took another chunk of the apple. "Mmmmmmmm, tastes like grapes."
The inventor offered a new apple and the volunteer said,
"What does it taste like?"
"Рussy," said the inventor.
The guy bit into it, and spit it out with an awful look on his face and shouted, "That tasted like аss!"
The inventor winked and said,
"Flip it over."

13 0

Sports Jokes Men jokes

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again but fell face first into the mud.
"Sсrеw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly.
"How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

13 0

Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Three guys were standing at the top of the Empire State Building in NYC.
The first guy says to the second, "You know, the wind currents are so strong here in NYC that one could step off the edge of the building and literally float in mid-air due to the upward тhrusт of the thermal air current."
"No way, man, you’re crazy," said the second guy to the first.
So the first guy steps off the edge of the building and justs floats in mid-air for about 20 seconds and then returns to the roof of the building.
The second guy is simply thrilled and says,
"Watch me do that" as he steps from the edge roof into the open air.
Of course he falls like a stone straight down all the way to the waiting pavement below–SPLAT!
The third guy, who has remained quiet the entire time, leans over to the first guy and say, "You know something Superman, sometimes you can be a real a*shole!"

13 0

Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes