Men jokes - Page 204

While getting a checkup, a man tells his doctor that he thinks his wife is losing her hearing. The doctor says,
"You should do a simple test. Stand about 15 feet behind your wife and say 'honey?’ Move 3 feet closer and do it again. Keep moving 3 feet closer until she finally responds." Remember how close you were when she gives you an answer. That will help me know how bad her hearing loss is.
About a month later the same guy is at the doctor again and the doctor asks, "Well, did you do that experiment with your wife's hearing?” The man says "yes".
"How close did you get before she answered?"
"Well, by the time I got about 3 feet away she just turned around and said "For the FIFTH TIME... WHAT???"

0 0

This guy anant and this girl are at the end of their blind date and before he says good night to her she asks him if he wants to have a drink and he says ’’yes’’ so they go in the house and they go in her room and she says’’close your eyes i have a surprize for you’’. She later says ’’you can open your eyes now’’ he opens them and she has whipped cream all over her ’’рussy" and he goes and start eating the whip cream until he found himself with a diск in his mouth,the girl starts crying and says’’i should of never lied to you, I'm a man my name is Bob and im a plumber from massachusetts and the guy with a shocked look says’’i thought you were from boston’.....!!!!!

0 0

Dirty jokes Men jokes

I feel bad for older male Latino actors 'cause older male Hispanic actors -- they always give them the same сrаррy line in every hacky movie. Like, you'll see the guy's son, and he'll die in a hail of gunfire. Then the father, he'll drop to his knees, and he'll go, 'You don't understand. He was my only son.' Which is so sтuрid, 'cause what else is he supposed to say? 'It's OK. I've got two other sons.'

0 0

Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

I think boxers are the greatest athletes in all sports for the simple fact that they don't cry. That is mind-blowing. Have you ever been punched in the nose? Oh my gosh, it hurts so bad. They have to go back to corner, where some little man yells at them. 'Shut up, I just got punched in the face!'... If I was a boxer, do you know who I would hire as my corner man? My mom.

0 0

Sports Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

Two men were talking about a friend who had recently passed away.
"By the time Jack died, he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm."
"Where did they bury him?'"
"They didn't bury him -- he was recycled!"

0 0

Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

One small step for man… One giant leap for Danny DeVito.

0 0

Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Men jokes

A man was stopped by the fish and game warden. He had with him two buckets of fish. The fish and game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch all those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around. After a while, I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them back home again."
"That's a bunch of hogwash! Fish can't do that!" was the outburst from the Warden.
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said,
"Here, I'll show you. It really works." The man poured the two buckets of fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said,
"Well?"
"Well, what?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH!" the warden said.
"What fish?" the man asked.

0 0

Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Men jokes

Two cannibals entered a restaurant close to closing time and all that was left on the menu was a man from Prague.
They split the Czech.

0 0

Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Few women admit their age; few men act it.

0 0

Jokes about Women Men jokes Old People Jokes

At the Super Bowl party, Ken overheard two wives talking about their husbands and men in general. Then he heard the best quote ever from one of them....
"The rules of football and the plot of The Godfather are the two most complicated things that every guy understands, no matter how dumb he is."

0 0

Men jokes Relationship Jokes

After having a great time with his girlfriend, a young man saw a guy’s photo in her bag and asked,
"Is he your ex?"
The girlfriend kissed him and said,
"No dear, that's me before surgery."

5 0

Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Three Americans walk into a bar…
Okay, scratch that. Two Americans walk into a bar. The third is too obese to even get through the doorway. He successfully sues the architect and the bartender for 20 million dollars for hurt feelings, then spends his winnings in McDonald’s. He later sues McDonald’s for selling an obese man cheeseburgers.

0 0

Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

I saw a black man running from a shop with a turntable, amplifier and speakers under his arm being chased by a security guard.
Talk about stereotypes.

0 0

Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A man travels to an island…
A person travelling remarks on how healthy the locals look, and an attractive man says, “Yes, it’s the island. When I first arrived I was bald, didn’t have teeth, and couldn’t walk - but now look at me.”
The traveler:
“Wow… That’s amazing. So where are you from?”
“I was born here”

0 0

Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

What do you call a black man selling drugs? …
…
A pharmacist, you stereotyping racist.

0 0

Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

How many black men does it take to sсrеw in a light-bulb? Just 1 because we are all equal and race has no impact.

0 0

Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign. When the cop checked the man's driver's license, he said,
"You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not now. I'm going to have to give you a ticket."
The guy said,
"Officer, I have contacts."
The cop said,
"Look, buddy, I don't care who you know, ... I'm giving you a ticket."

0 0

Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway; the officer came to the driver’s window and asked,
"Sir, may I see your driver’s license and registration?" The man said,
"Well officer I don't have a license, it was taken away for a DUI." The officer, in surprise, said," What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?" So the man replied, "No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I saw a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it." The officer stepped back, "There is a gun in the glove box?!?" The man sighed and said,
"Yes sir, I used it to кill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk." The officer steps toward the back of the car and says," Sir do not move, I am calling for backup." The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver’s license and registration. The man said," Yes officer here it's right here." It all checked out so the officer said," Is there a gun in the glove box sir?" The man laughs and says," No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box." He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun. The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. The man agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body. The second officer says,
"Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk." The man looks the officer in the eyes and says,
"Yeah and I'll bet he said I was speeding too."

0 0

Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A man who says he’ll go through anything for a woman usually has her bank account in mind.

0 0

Jokes about Women Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

A man came home from work after a horrible day at the office. His wife has complained to him over and over that he never notices her anymore, and he denied it. When he comes through the door his wife greets him and says,
"Hi, Honey. Notice anything different about me today?"
"Oh, I don't know. You got your hair done."
"Nope, try again."
"Oh, uh, you bought a new dress."
"Nope, keep trying."
"You got your nails done."
"Nope, try again."
"I give up, I'm too tired to play 20 questions."
"I'm wearing a gas mask!"

0 0

Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes