Pet Jokes

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Cowboy Talks to the Animals TALKING ANIMALS? Der Moslemflüsterer Един срещнал на полето овчар с куче, кон и една овца. Мужик приходит к председателю колхоза и говорит: Un ventriloquo arriva in un paese e vede un contadino seduto con un cane, un cavallo e una pecora: "Che bel cane! Ti spiace se gli parlo?".,E il contadino: "Questo cane non parla!".,Ma il ventriloquo insiste: "Hei cane, come va?".,E il cane: "Bene".,Il contadino e' un po'... Ein Christ trifft einen Türken mit einem Hund, Pferd und einer Ziege. Fragt der Christ: "Darf ich mit dem Hund reden?" Türke: "Hund kann nicht reden." Christ zum Hund: "Und wie geht es dir?" Hund: "Ganz gut, er füttert mich und geht 2 mal raus mit mir." Der Türke völlig verdutzt. Christ:... Un indien est en train de garder des chèvres. Un cow-boy se pointe et lui dit : - C'est ton chien ? - Lui être ! - Je peux lui parler un peu ? - Chien pas parler ! Bon, le cow-boy s'approche du chien. - Ca va ? - Pas mal ! (Stupeur de l'Indien...), - Cet Indien, c'est ton maître ? - Ouais. - Il... Een cowboy komt een dorpje binnen en ziet een indiaan aan de rand van zijn huis zitten. Cowboy: "Leuke hond heb je. Vind je het erg als ik met hem praat?" Indiaan: "Hond niet praten." Cowboy:... Een buiksprekende, Belgische toerist wandelt door een stadje in de woestijn en ziet een Marokkaan zitten. Belg : Hé, een leuke hond heb je daar. Mag ik er even mee praten ? Marokkaan : Hond niet... A traveling salesman goes to a farm house. The farmer goes, I could put you up for one night, but youll have to stay in the barn. So he spends the night there and the next morning the farmer comes... En bugtalende cowboy En bugtalende cowboy kommer ridende inde fra byen, og ser en indianer sidde ude foran sin tipi! Han synes lige, at han vil lave lidt sjov med indianeren, så han siger: "Hejsa,... Un paysan voit que ses bêtes ne sont pas dans leur assiette et décide de faire venir le vétérinaire : - Alors ? Quel est le problème ? - Je ne sais pas trop justement. - ? Il suffit de leur... Un touriste se promène à la campagne et visite une ferme. Il demande au paysan de lui faire visiter. Ensemble, ils vont vers l'étable. Le touriste va vers une vache et se met à lui parler : -... Un contadino è seduto sopra un pezzo di legno e arriva un signore vestito bene che gli chiede se può parlare con i suoi animali e il contadino gli dice di si anche se lui dice che non gli possono...
Englishman: "That your Dog"..??
Welshman: "Aye".
Englishman: "Mind if I Speak to him"..??
Welshman: "Dog don't Talk.”
Englishman: Hey Dog, how's it going"..??
Dog: "Doing All Right, Thanks".
Welshman: (Look of Shock).
Englishman: Is this your Owner"..?? (Pointing at the Welshman).
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: How's He Treating You"..??
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."
Welshman: (Look of Total Disbelief).
Englishman: "Mind if I Talk to your Horse"..??
Welshman: "Horse Don't Talk”.
Englishman: "Hey Horse how's it Going"..??
Horse: "Cool, Thanks".
Welshman: (Extreme Look of Shock).
Englishman: "Is this your Owner"..?? (Pointing to the Welshman).
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's He Treating You"..??
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he Rides me, Brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice Stable to protect me from the Weather."
Welshman: (Now a Look of Total Amazement).
Englishman: "Mind if I Talk to your Sheep"..??
Welshman: "That Sheep's a вlооdy Liar”..
Pet Jokes Horse jokes Welsh jokes
Dog dictionary
A.
Toilet bowl: A heavenly dispenser of nice, fresh water.
B.
Hearing: A variable skill.
Its intensity depends on whether it applies to a fridge door opening half a mile away behind three closed doors, or whether your own name is being shouted in an angry way or in a way that threatens Vet (see Vet).
C.
Garbage bin/bag: Source of food.
Spread contents over as wide an area as possible.
D.
Drooling: When humans are eating, drooling can be a very effective food-producing skill.
For best results, drool must be gotten onto the humans’ trousers/skirt.
Use also for fun – when driving in a car with humans, place head between two humans in the front seat.
Drool gently and in great volume on their arms/shoulders.
Rejoice at effects.
E.
Resting place: Anything, really.
White, freshly vacuumed surfaces with good capacity for getting hair stuck to it are best.
F.
Sofa: See resting place.
Also serves as napkin after particularly satisfying meals (see Roadkill).
G.
Vet: Sатаn, the Destroyer of Worlds, Bringer of Woe, Remover of Testicles.
H.
Leash: A device allowing you to lead your human to a place you desire.
Excellent for muscle-building exercise.
I.
Bicycle: Very good cardio equipment.
If you find the exercise/the rider too slow for you, you can increase its speed by running even closer to the vehicle and barking.
It will pick up its pace very satisfyingly.
J.
Fireworks: A sure sign that the world as we know it is coming to an end and the reign of Vets (see Vet) is beginning.
K.
Sniffing: A polite way of showing interest in the creature you are meeting.
With dogs, rестаl area is best.
When meeting humans, sniff the crotch.
L.
Roadkill: One of the most universal items you can find.
Can be used as food, deodorant or toy.
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