Jokes about Police Officers

I got pulled over by a police officer and his dog sniffs for drugs. He comes over and says to me, "My dog says you have wееd in the car." I responded, "Well I don't know about that, but I want whatever got you talking to the dog!"

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A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank:
“This year, I can’t plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field." The son wrote back, “Papa, don’t dare plow the field. That is where I hid the money I stole.” The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, “Now you can plant your potatoes."

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Money jokes Police Officer Jokes

A snail entered a police station and told an officer, "I just got mugged by two turtles. They beat me up and took all my money!" The officer replied, "Why that's terrible. Did you get a good look at them?"
"No sir, it all happened so fast!"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A nакеd man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the оrgаn.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Police Officer Jokes

There's a man speeding on the road and a police officer is chasing him for miles. The man finally stops and the officer tells him, "When you see those lights and hear those sirens, you are supposed to stop!" The man says,
"Well, I had a good excuse to keep driving." The officer says,
"I've heard every excuse in the book, but if it's one I haven't heard, I'll let you go." The man says,
"Well a few days ago, my wife ran off with one of your officers, and I was afraid you were trying to bring her back." So the officer let him go.

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Relationship Jokes

A police officer sees a blonde woman crying under a street lamp on the sidewalk. He asks her what's wrong and if there's anything he can do to help. The blonde replies,
"I lost my wedding ring." The officer asks, "Okay, where did you drop it?" The blonde says,
"About a block away, but the light is better here."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A man was driving his wife home after a night out, when they were stopped by the police. “Sir, did you know you were speeding?” asked the officer. “No, I had no idea that I was speeding,” replied the husband. “Of course you were,” interrupted the wife, “you’re always speeding.” The officer looked at the rear of the vehicle and said, “And did you know your brake light is broken sir?”
“No, I had no idea that it was broken,” replied the husband. Again the wife interrupted, “Of course you knew it was broken. You’re always saying you’ll get it repaired, but you never have.” The officer began to sympathize for the husband and said, “Does she always talk to you like this?” The wife said, “Only when he’s drunк.”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Relationship Jokes

There are three friends named Mad, Brain, and Fight. One day Fight went missing and his friends Mad and Brain started searching for him. Then Brain said,
"Mad, let's file a missing person report with the police." When they were about to walk into the police station, Brain said,
"Mad, you go and make the report. I will wait for you here." Mad said,
"Okay." Mad walked in but no police officers paid attention to him. Then he saw a policeman drinking a cup of coffee. Mad went to the officer, smacked the table, and the cup of coffee flew in the air, landing in the officer's lap. Angry, the policeman asked,
"Are you looking for a fight?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am." The policeman asked,
"Are you mad?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am Mad." The policeman then asked,
"Don't you have a brain?" Mad replied, "Brain is outside sir."

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes

A blond girl was at the store, and just as she was heading for her car, someone stole it. The policemen asked,
"Did you see the guy that did it?" She said,
"No, but I got the license plate."

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Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a Mexican prison. They committed a сriме and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and кill them. The brunette is called up. She says,
"Ready, aim, tornado!" Afraid of an approaching funnel cloud, the police quickly turn around and the brunette runs away. Once regrouped, the redhead is summoned. She says,
"Ready, aim, earthquake!" Fooled again, the police quickly turn around to get cover while the redhead runs away. Then it's the blonde's turn, who says,
"Ready, aim, fire!"

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver and says,
"You failed to stop at the red light. Let me see your driver's licence." The blonde asks, "What does that look like?" The blonde cop answers, "It is rectangular and has your picture on it." The blonde looks around inside her purse and mistakes her mirror for the license. When she hands it to the blonde officer, he looks at it and replies,
"Oh, I didn't know you were also an officer. You can go!"

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

We've been reading in the papers lately about terrible cruelty someone is causing to our winged friends by the shore, as many Pelicans have been found with their beaks cut off. Police suspect a local bill collector is behind it all.

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes

An old lady rushed into the police department and claimed she was rареd. When asked what the guy looked like, she said she didn't know, only that he was a contractor. When asked how she knew that, she yelled, "All he could say was, 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' and he never finished the job."

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A police officer sees a blonde woman driving and knitting at the same time. Exasperated, he drives up next to her and screams out the window, "Pull over!" The blonde responds, "No Silly, it's a scarf."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn't even apply for a job there.

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One-Liner Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said,
"Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said,
"Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."

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Money jokes Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A panda walks into a bar, he asked the bar tender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him the leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “it’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.

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Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes

One day a snail got robbed by 2 turtles, once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, Snail said “I dont know it all happed to fast”!

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Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes

The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer.
Luckily I already fled the country.

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Food Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.

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Police Officer Jokes Yo Momma Jokes