Relationship Jokes

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After years of marriage I’ve learnt that you can tell a lot about a woman just from her hands. When she’s holding a frying pan and waving it around that usually means she’s angry.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

This is the shortest мurdеr story ever written:
Wife: Are you listening to me?
Husband: No.

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Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife while in bed.
Husband:
“Honey I think your mum tried to have sеx with me last night! ”
Wife:
“That’s impossible, she’s on holiday!”
Husband:
“Oh ok, well maybe you should wear more makeup then!”

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Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

I’m not saying my wife’s cooking is bad…..
But several weapons manufacturers from the Middle-East have been trying to buy her recipes.

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Relationship Jokes

I have a way with women...
As soon as I open my mouth, they go a-way!

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

Friends are forever. Until they get in a relationship.

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Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes Life Jokes

"What did I do wrong, baby? [silence] Sweetheart... tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing."
"I know something's wrong..."
"I'm fine."
"Just tell me what I did."
"You know what you did."
"I really don't! Please tell me so I can fix it."
"I shouldn't have to tell you. You should already know."
"Well, please... since I don't... please just tell me!"
[She sighs and turns around.] "Back in 1985..."

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Relationship Jokes

When I was a kid me and my dad used to play hide and seek. He’s been gone for 20 years now, where are you dad?

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Kids Jokes Relationship Jokes Dad Jokes

A relationship without trust is like a phone without service. And what do you do with a phone without service? You play games.

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Relationship Jokes Life Jokes

Yesterday I asked my wife what she wanted for her upcoming birthday and she told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds. I hope she likes the pack of playing cards I got her.

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Relationship Jokes

Can’t believe how much my girlfriend is crying about her new haircut. Its much worse for me, I’m the one who’s gonna have to find a new girlfriend now.

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Relationship Jokes

My wife recently told me she wanted to go around the world so for her birthday I decided to buy her an atlas.

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Relationship Jokes

I love blind dates. I spent the whole time staring at her тiтs and she didn‘t even notice.

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Relationship Jokes Boob Jokes

Just broke up with my girlfriend. Don‘t know where me and Helen (or ‘saggy тiтs’ as I used to call her) went wrong.

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Relationship Jokes Boob Jokes

Q. What does an Ikea cabinet and a marriage have in common?
A. One sсrеw out of place and the whole thing falls apart.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

W. Washing
I. Ironing
F. F*cking
E. Etcetera

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Relationship Jokes

Can’t believe how long my wife and kids spend on eBay. It’s been weeks and still nobody has made a bid for them.

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Kids Jokes Relationship Jokes

Yesterday I went through a costly and painful procedure that required me to have my spine and both testicles removed.
Still, I got some fantastic wedding presents.

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Relationship Jokes

Normally, I don't go for the piercings and tattoos, but then she said to me that she got them because she's addicted to the pain. Yeah, which -- I was kind of intimidated, but kind of turned on at the same time. 'Cause y'all don't know, but I've been out of a relationship for three months now. I'm ready to have that just-out-of-prison sеx.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right."

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Relationship Jokes Life Jokes