if (!string.IsNullOrEmpty(Model.PrevPageFullUrl)) { } if (!string.IsNullOrEmpty(Model.NextPageFullUrl)) { } Religion jokes - Page 32

Religion jokes

Most popular in this category

I feel sorry for Моsеs... he spent forty years wandering the desert, eating nothing but the bread off the ground and the occasional bird, and every day a million people would come up to him and ask, "Are we there yet?"

0 0

Religion jokes

P ilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . . 600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . . please instruct!
Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . . repeat after me:
“Our Father, which art in heaven . . .”

0 0

Religion jokes

The Pope walks into a Mosque.
The imam says “Why the wrong faith?”

0 0

Religion jokes

Just found out from the internet that heaven isn’t real. Apparently the bright light you see when you die is actually you being reborn and coming out of another vаginа.

0 0

Religion jokes Internet Jokes

Have you heard about the new cheese factory they’re opening in Palestine?
It’s called ‘Cheeses of Nazareth’.

0 0

Religion jokes

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, Linda, and her вrеаsтs were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played while she played the оrgаn. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Linda very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on her niррlеs and over her вrеаsтs.
This should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won’t be able to talk properly for a while.
The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday”

0 0

Religion jokes

It seems that the older we are the more we read the Bible...
Are we cramming for finals?

0 0

Religion jokes

Harry walked over to the Priest after services, “You know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary. I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just out of the question.”
“Oh Harry, Harry” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry. “Don’t you know, that’s what recorders are for.”
Harry’s face lit up, “You mean I could record your sermon?”

0 0

Religion jokes

Who were the famous triplets of the New Testament?
First, Second, and Third John.

0 0

Religion jokes

A pastor is finishing up his sermon on Sunday morning… …
…. …
“In preparation for my sermon next week, I want you all to read Mark chapter 17. You are dismissed.” … …
So next week everybody comes back to church. After singing a few hymns, the pastor comes to the pulpit.
“How many read Mark chapter 17 like I said last week?” …. ..
…
Everyone raised their hand. The pastor says “and it’s a great chapter, Amen??” There are shouts of “Amen!” from the congregation.
Then the pastor smirks.
“Well, Mark only has 16 chapters. I will now begin my sermon on the terrible sin of lying.”

0 0

Religion jokes

I picked up a Jewish girl in a club the other night. When we got outside and she saw my Volkswagen she went off on one, saying “How can you drive a German car? They’re evil people and can never be forgiven for what they did.”
I tried to reason with her and pointed out that the Holocaust happened over 50 years ago and nearly all the Germans responsible for the atrocities are now dead. I also pointed out that despite the current people of Germany not having anything to do with what happened all those years ago, they feel that it was a dark era in their past and are still ashamed of that whole period of their history.
She replied, “It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, they’re all responsible”
So I punched her in the mouth and said, “That’s for Judаs Iscariot, вiтсh!”

0 0

Religion jokes

Just quit my job at the mosque. All they care about is profits.

0 0

Religion jokes

Adam:
"What are we having for dinner?"
Eve:
"Spare Ribs."
Adam:
"What is that, some kind of joke?"

0 0

Religion jokes

My mate suffers from that disease which makes him allergic to facts.
Religion.

0 0

Religion jokes

I don’t see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins. …
…
Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

0 0

Religion jokes

I’ve just bought a novelty Jehovahs Witness Advent Calendar! Every time you open a door, someone shouts ‘fuск off’

0 0

Religion jokes

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.

0 0

Religion jokes

I’m currently studying to be a psychiatrist and I went to the library to find a book on suicide. The librarian recommended I read the Qur’an.

0 0

Religion jokes

My son is such an introvert, he can't even lead the silent prayer.

0 0

Religion jokes

This past Sunday Mary Ellen and Elisabeth went to the 10:30 AM service and the new pastor was long winded and his sermon was quite long.
After the service was finally over, Mary Ellen said to Elisabeth, "The sermon was beautiful don't you think?".
Elisabeth replied "Oh yes it was, but a bit too long. Next week I'm bringing my cushion to sit on, these benches are too hard."
She continued to say, "You know Mary Ellen at one point during the sermon I thought my вuтт went to sleep."
Mary Ellen said,
"I know, I heard it snore three times."

0 0

Religion jokes