Sex Jokes

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A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder.
He reached a cloud, upon which was sat a rather plump and homely looking woman. “Sсrеw me or climb the ladder to success” she said. No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye.
“Sсrеw me or climb the ladder to success” she said. “Well”, thought the man, “might as well carry on. On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was really hot.
“Sсrеw me now or climb the ladder to success” she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, everything he could want. “Sсrеw me or climb the ladder to success” she flirted.
Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his crotch.
“Who are you?” the man asked.
“Hello” said the ugly fат man said, “my name’s Cess!”
A guy was driving on a winding forest road when suddenly a forest fairy jumps out in front of his car. He slams on the brakes and just avoids hitting the fairy.
The fairy was relieved and as a reward to the drive, the fairy offers him one wish. The driver, a waiter by profession, tells the fairy he would like a вiggеr hand so that he can carry more glasses and plates and handle his tips better.
The fairy grants his wish. Next day, he goes to work and a fellow waiter asks him about his big hand. He explained what happened and the other waiter then decided he too would go driving around on the winding forest road in the hope that he would also have a wish granted by the forest fairy.
After work that evening, the waiter goes driving around for hours and hours on the same stretch of round and had almost given up hope when suddenly the fairy jumps out in front of his car. He slams the brakes on and just avoids hitting the fairy.
The fairy approaches the guy and grants him a wish. The guy thinks long and hard and decides that he would like a big, long реnis.
The fairy warns him that not all girls like big реnis.
The waiter then says, “That’s OK, I know someone with a big hand!”