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Вицове за секс, 18+ Sex Jokes Sexwitze Chistes de sexo Русский Blagues de sexe Barzellette sul Sesso Σεξουαλικά ανέκδοτα Сексуални вицеви Türkçe Анекдоти про секс 18+ Português Dowcipy o seksie 18+ Svenska Seks moppen Sex jokes Sex-vitser Seksivitsit Szexi viccek Româna Vtipy o sexu a milování Lietuvių Anekdotes par attiecībām un seksu Seksi vicevi
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Last week while driving at a red light 2 drop dead gorgeous girls started to wash my windows with there вrеаsтs, after they asked-not for a tip but if I could give them a ride, I agreed they both got into the backseat and started having sеx with each other then one of them jumped into the front seat and performed оrаl sеx on me while the other stole my wallet… My wallet got stolen last Wednesday, Thursday , twice on Saturday yesterday and probably tomorrow…
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If you're gonna blame teen sеx on rock 'n' roll, why don't we just blame inсеsт on country and western?
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This construction worker had climbed 20 stories to the job site. Once there he’d asked the foreman if he could go back down to take a leak.
Not wanting to lose the time, the foreman balanced on I-beam across another, stood on one end, and told the worker to walk out to the other end to рее.
While the worker was doing his business, the phone rang. The foreman, forgetting what he was doing, stepped off the I-beam and the worker plunged 20 stories to his death.
The next week the safety inspectors came by to conduct a routine investigation into the accident. They talked to the ground crew.
“I think it was sеx-related,” offered one of the crew.
“Sеx releated? How do you figure that?” said the investigator.
“Well, what made me look up was this guy coming down, diск in his hand, screaming, ‘where did that соскsuскеr go???'”
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I’ve just installed strobe lighting in the bedroom,
It makes the wife look like she’s moving during sеx.
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I had phone sеx last night…
Had to get the morning after bill.
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Sтuрid вiтсh! We were in my car and she decides “safe sеx” is locking the car doors.
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Bored of sitting on your hand till its numb to make it feel like someone else is wanking you off?
Then why not try sitting on your кnов, to make it feel like you’re wanking off some one else.
Alternatively, for the voyeurs amongst you, sit on your hand and your кnов, so it feels like watching someone wanking someone else off…
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Word meanings:
Vagina: Slice of heaven between a woman’s legs.
Cunt: A vaginas host!
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Whenever I’m in the supermarket and I see a woman picking up a cucumber, I give them a little wink and a smile… just to see how many go red and put it back.
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Sеx to a man is like hunger. If he can't get into an expensive French restaurant, he will go to McDonalds.
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In the attic, I found an old copy of the 1977 Radio Times, or as its called now, The Sеx Offenders Register.
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Premium rate sеx lines…
The one time premature еjасulатiоn isn’t a problem.
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Any skirt looks good on the back of the chair.
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At a session with a marriage counsellor, the wife snapped at me:
“That’s not true! I do enjoy sеx!”
Then, turning to the counsellor, she said:
“But this ANIMAL here expects it three or four times a year!”
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What's the difference between yo momma and a washing machine?
When I drop a load in the washing machine, it doesn't follow me around for a week.
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These NHS budget cuts are starting to show.
I went for a prostate exam, and instead of luве, the doctor spat in my аsshоlе.
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I think sеx is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
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1. Woke up
2. Went to crush's house
3. Got a вlоwjов by her
4. Had sеx with her
5. Went to sleep BTW The Order Is 5,2,3,4,1?
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The Scarecrow didn’t have the brains, Tin Man didn’t have the heart, and the Lion didn’t have the courage.
So Dorothy remained a virgin.
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This kid walks into a general store one day and asks for a job. The owner tells him that he doesn’t need any help. The kid is persistent so the guy tells him to watch him when the next customer comes in. If he can do what he does, he’ll give him a job.
A few minutes later a customer comes in. “Good afternoon sir. What can I do for you?” The guy says, “I need some grass seed.” So the owner goes and gets it. When he gets back he says, “How about a lawn mower to go with this.”
“What do I need a lawn mower for?”
“Well when the grass grows your going to need something to cut it with.”
“Yea, OK, I’ll take a lawn mower too.” After the customer was gone, the owner turned to the kid and said, “That’s how it’s done. Can you do that?” The kid said, “Sure.”
So the next customer comes in and says, “I need some Tampax.” The kid says, “Yes sir.”, and goes after them. When he gets back he says, “Would you like a lawn mower to go with that?” The guy says, “What the hеll do I need a lawn mower for?” The kid replies, “You might as well cut the grass. Your weekend is shot, that’s for sure…..”
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