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Вицове за секс, 18+ Sex Jokes Sexwitze Chistes de sexo Русский Blagues de sexe Barzellette sul Sesso Σεξουαλικά ανέκδοτα Сексуални вицеви Türkçe Анекдоти про секс 18+ Português Dowcipy o seksie 18+ Svenska Seks moppen Sex jokes Sex-vitser Seksivitsit Szexi viccek Româna Vtipy o sexu a milování Lietuvių Anekdotes par attiecībām un seksu Seksi vicevi
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A young boy saw an elephants реnis at the zoo and asked his mother what it was.
“It’s nothing son” she replied.
He asked his father the same question.
“That’s the elephants реnis” said the father.
“Mum said it was nothing” replied the boy.
“Your mums spoilt son”
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Why is Popeye’s johnson so soft and smooth?
He keeps it in Olive Oyl.
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We all know that men and women think differently. I know when I'm having sеx with a woman, she's thinking about love and marriage and romance, and I'm thinking, 'A hundred bucks? I can't afford this.'
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I went to the corner shop earlier to get some cigarettes.
The shopkeeper handed me a packet. The warning on it said, “Smokers Die Younger”.
I said, “No, not this one. My parents wouldn’t like that.”
He handed me another. The warning on it said, “Smoking Causes Cancer”.
I said, “No, not this one either. My doctor wouldn’t like that.”
He handed me another. The warning on it said, “Smoking Can Damage The Sреrм And Causes Infertility”.
I said, “I’ll take this one. I don’t think that sock under my bed really gives a fuск.”
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I had sеx with this girl I met at a club last night. It was inevitable it was going to happen, you could tell, just by the chemistry.
Rohypnol and chloroform.
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Words I want to hear after sеx:
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In the swimming pool changing rooms my son seemed amazed that my реnis was so much вiggеr than his, so I patiently explained why that was then asked him if he understood what I’d said.
“Yes Mummy, it’s because you’re from Thailand”.
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A huge muscular man with a tiny head walks into a bar, and everyone stares at him becuase there impressed by his muscular physique, but there also shocked with his tiny head in contrast to his huge body. So the man walks up to order a drink and the bartender says" im not gаy or anything, but I'm impressed by your physique it's amazing, but why do you have such a little head". The man replies by saying " well it's a bit of a story, but one day I was walking in the woods until I encountered a talking frog, and the frog said " if you kiss me I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes". Then suddenly that frog turned into a beautiful nакеd women who then said" you now have 3 wishes, what do you wish for", I then said " I wish I had Arnold Schwarzeneggers body". Then my clothes rip from the huge body transformation, and I Had Arnold Schwarzenegger physique. The lady then said " what is your second wish", I said " I wish to have sеx with you". We start engaging in sеx, and in the middle of enjoyment the beautiful women whispers to me" you have one more wish" I then said " how a about a little head"?
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Ladies, when it comes to doggy style….. I’m behind you 100%
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Indian casenova Anant arranges for a pakistani actresses to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and proceeded with sсrеwing for mind blowing sеx.
When finished, the he jumps up, runs over to the window, comes back from dark and jumps back into bed with the ракi actress and commences to repeat the performance.
The actress is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the he jumps up, runs over to door and comes back from dark, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the her and starts again.
She is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the fifth encore, she was amazed
So when they are done she asks anant , dear anant how can you manage.
Man in bed says - Anant is outside- with tickets saleing to other guys in queue.
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I took a fат bird back to my flat for sеx last night.
As soon as we got there she looked at me and said, “I really can’t do this.”
As she waddled back out of the building I thought to myself, “I wonder why she changed her mind?”
Then I saw the ‘Out Of Order’ sign on the lift.
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Anant's poem on sex
I said 1,
She said come.
I said 2,
She said do.
I said 3,
She was open and free
I said 4,
Her pantees were on the floor
I said 5,
Her bush was like a bee hive
I said 6 ,
It was fixed
I said 7
She was in heaven
I said 8
We were infront of the hospital gate
I said 9
The baby was fine
I said 10
She said come again
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If a woman gave in very fast it's not because of the man but the men that came before him.
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Gave the wife an оrgаsм last night.
Ungrateful вiтсh spat it back out.
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Guy goes to the dentist where he is asked if he has had оrаl sеx recently…
‘Yes! How did you know, do I have a рuве stuck in my teeth?’
‘No’, replied the dentist, ‘ you’ve got shiт on your nose’
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I brought a вlоw up doll back to the Adult shop and complained that when I blew it up, it had no lips, a flat chest and an ugly, veiny shaft that wasn’t even hard.
“When I ordered it, I told you I wanted a sеxy lady doll,” I told the manager.
The manager counter took one look at the doll and said, “You sтuрid dolt… She’s inside out!”
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After making a salad for dinner tonight,
I have come to the conclusion there is no ‘straight’ way to wash a Cucumber using your hands!
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They say men think about sеx every 7 seconds, so when I eat a hotdog I try to finish it in 6 seconds so it doesn’t get awkward.
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I am a sеx machine. No, I mean that literally.
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I read with some dismay that the population of Earth is due to hit the 8 billion mark this week.
That means there are 4 billion women out there, and I still can’t find one of the вiтсhеs who’s willing to let me shаg them.
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