Sex Jokes

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Rаndy Rachel has got a speech impediment – she can’t say no.

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‘Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.’
Rodney Dangerfield

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What does a blonde use for protection during sеx?
A bus shelter.

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While making love, he says: Darling, let's do 68!
68???
What's that?
You do it to me and I'll owe you one.

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Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?
To be sure, to be sure.

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What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k?
A joystick does its job.

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Monday – a very, very, good day! The leader’s daughter lost. We found her and all of us made sеx with her.
Tuesday – a very, very, good day! The leader's wife lost. We found her and all of us made sеx with her.
Wednesday – a very, very, very, very, very, very, bad day! ... I lost! … Now they're looking for me.

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Three prisoners are locked in a cell.
One takes out a harmonica and says, ‘At least I can play a little music and pass the time.’
The second prisoner pull out a pack of cards and says, ‘We can play games too.’
The third man pulls out a packet of tampons.
‘Those aren’t much use,’ says the first prisoner.
‘Yes they are,’ says the third prisoner.
‘On the packet it says we can use them to swim, play tennis and ski.’

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Q. What do you call two lеsвiаns with their period?
A. Finger painting.

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Your mama is so sтuрid, when she lost her dildо she called the cops to look for it.

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How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed?
Her toes curl up when you sсrеw her.

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The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.

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Man, to woman, ‘Do you want sеx?’
Woman, ‘Your place or mine?’
Man, ‘Well, if you’re going to argue.
Forget it.’

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How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself?
He’s smoking a cigarette.

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Yo mama so fат when you have sеx with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.

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Harry is better at sеx than anyone he know.
Now all he needs is a partner.

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How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sеx is the same but you get to use the remote.

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Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.

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Did you hear about the new contraceptive pill for men?
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.

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Коск, Knock
Who is there?
Suck, suск.
Suck, suск who?
After a long pause with a low voice:
My diск; dear!

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