Sports Jokes - Page 11

How Golf is like Urinating in a Public Restroom:
10. Keep your back straight, knees веnт, feet shoulder width apart.
9. Form a loose grip.
8. Keep your head down.
7. Avoid a quick backswing.
6. Stay out of the water.
5. Try not to hit anybody.
4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you.
3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others.
2. Be quiet while others are about to go.
1. Keep strokes to a minimum.

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Sports Jokes

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.

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Sports Jokes

Jоск Воотy Call... Unnecessary:
Hey ваве, I hear you're into unnecessary roughness. High five!

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Sports Jokes Dirty jokes

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted.
Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!"
His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible."
Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?"
Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!"
Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!"
Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."

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Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Golf jokes

One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a divorce. The judge decided that baby bear was going to live with mama bear. Baby bear started to cry . "Whats wrong?" the judge asked baby bear.
"I dont want to live with mama bear, she abuses me!" said baby bear.
"Then, you can live with papa bear" said the judge. Baby bear started to cry even harder the judge asked him, "Whats wrong?"
Baby bear replied, " I dont want to live with papa bear he abuses me even more than mama bear does."
"Then who do you want to live with?" asked the judge. Baby bear replied, "I want to live with the Baylor Bears, because they don't beat anyone!"

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Sports Jokes

Mike Tyson finally apologized to Holyfield for biting off his ear.
He said, "Believe it or not, I have learned many things about how to behave in society while I was in jail. So I would like to apologize to Mr. Holyfield for biting his ear in such a beastly way. Next time I promise to use a knife and fork."

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Sports Jokes

Did you know that Mike Tyson is to appear in the next Batman movie?
He's the Nibbler!

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Sports Jokes Superhero Jokes

Two fraternity brothers...
Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one afternoon and become lost. After twenty hours with nothing to eat or drink, one of them spots a lamp floating by. He picks it up and a genie pops out. The genie notices the poor condition of the brothers and grants them one wish between the two of them.
After a lot of arguing over who gets the wish, one of them blurts out, "I wish the ocean was made of вееr."
Magically, the ocean turns to вееr.
Infuriated, the other guy yells, "You idiот! Now we have to рiss in the boat!"

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Sports Jokes Beer Jokes

A woman calls a clinic and says she hasn't been able to sleep because her dog snores too loudly.
The doctor told her to tie a ribbon around his ваlls and he will shutup. The woman goes to her bedroom and sees her dog lieing on the floor snoring. She gets a red ribbon and ties it around his ваlls. The dog stops snoring. The woman goes to sleep.
After a while, her husband comes home drunк. He lays in bed and falls fast asleep. He starts to snore loudly so the woman gets a blue ribbon and ties it around his ваlls. The next morning the woman gets up and goes to work. The man wakes up and sees the blue ribbon on his ваlls. Then he looks down at the dog and sees the red ribbon around his ваlls. The guy says to the dog, ''I don't know what we did lasst night, but we got first and second place!'''

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Sports Jokes Dog jokes

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf and country club.
Luckily, it's a beautiful day, and there's hardly anyone on the course, so they've been breezing through the holes. Up around the seventh tee, they spot the first people on the course other than themselves, two ladies who, from the guys' perspective, are having trouble on the green. In fact, they've each five-putted it!
The first guy says ''Сhrisт. I hope they just had a bad hole, I don't want to follow these broads for the next eleven holes!'' The second one goes, ''Well, maybe I'll go talk to them, and maybe they can let us pass them. I'll be back in a sec.''
So he trots off, about to go and ask to let them pass. Suddenly, about a hundred feet away from the women, he stops, turns and runs away from them as fast as he can. When he comes back, he exclaims, ''Jesus! That's my wife and my girlfriend! They're both here! Golfing together! I'm sorry, man, but I can't say anything to them. I'm liable to be killed if they saw me. How about you go ask them?''
So the other guy concurs, and trots off to ask the women if they can pass and get on with their game. Then he stops suddenly, spins around and runs back to his buddy in the same manner. ''What's wrong? What's the matter?'' his friend says. ''Same dамn thing,'' he replies.

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Sports Jokes

Two explorers are flying over the Amazon. The Plane crashes and the local tribe captures them and takes them prisoner. The King brings the first prisoner in front of the whole tribe. He then asks "What do you choose, death or Bondo?"
The prisoner says, "Ichoose Bondo, I don't want to die." The crowd chants, "BONDO,BONDO UBEO UBEO Then a huge, well-endowed man comes out and screws him and the guy screams. Meanwhile the other guy sees this. Then the king calls for the second prisoner. He comes out and says, "I saw what happened. I choose death."
The Kings says, "No one has chosen death before. He looks at the crowd and asks how the prisoner should die." They shout "DEATH BY BONDO!"

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Sports Jokes

Did you hear about the lady at Wal-Mart that was trying on a Dale Earnhardt T-shirt?
She hit the wall three times before she got it off!

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Sports Jokes

Why did the professional baseball player cross the road?
Because his gigantic аss commanded him to.

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Sports Jokes

What do you say to a football player in an Armani suit? "Will the defendant please rise..

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Sports Jokes Men jokes Boycott Jokes

Q: What is green and fuzzy, has four legs and will кill you if it drops from a tree?
A: A pool table.

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Sports Jokes

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hang on to your nuts here comes one heck of a вlоw job.

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Sports Jokes Dirty jokes

A traveling salesman approached an old farmhouse and noticed the strange behavior of the couple inside.
The woman was running the lawn mower over the carpet and the man had one hand dipped in a fish bowl and was playing with himself with the other. The salesman assumed they were crazy and moved on.
After he'd finished his pitch at the next farmhouse, he mentioned what he'd just seen.
''Oh, those folks ain't crazy,'' the farmer said, ''They're both deaf mutes. She was telling him to mow the lawn, and he was telling her to go f**k herself because he was going fishing.''

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Sports Jokes

Q: What do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Chicago Bears

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

Soccer Воотy Call... Touch:
I've got a great First Touch. Goooaaalll!

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Sports Jokes Dirty jokes