Stupid / Dumb Jokes

I was looking at the weather forecast on sky news and the bloke said..”its gonna be between 5 and 7 degrees”
And I thought to myself.. Why didn’t he just say 6 degrees.

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It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (Carrizozo, New Mexico) …
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Red cars may not drive down Lake Street (Minneapolis, Minnesota) …
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Marriage between cousins is against the law only if they are younger than 65 (Utah) …
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You are not allowed to eat fried chicken any other way than using your hands (Gainesville, Georgia)…
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In San Antonio, Texas, flirting is against the law. …
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Bear wrestling matches are prohibited (Alabama)
You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit (Wyoming)
It’s illegal to attend a public event or use public transport within 4 hours of eating an onions or garlic (Indiana)
In Idaho, it’s illegal for a man to give his fiancé a box of candy that weighs more than 50 lbs (22.5 kg)

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Stupid Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Ollie and Lena visit New York City. Caught in traffic on East 46th, a homeless person starts washing the windshield. Ole rolls down the window. …
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“Eh how’s it going?” the homeless guy says. …
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“Ohhh it’s OK. Ole says. …
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“Hey where are you folks from?”
“Ohh ve’re from Minnesota.”
“Ohhh Minnesota, I’ve been there. I met the ugliest woman I ever saw in Minnesota!”
Lena asks “Vat’s he saying Ollie?”
“Ohhh he says he knows you Lena.”

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Jokes about Women Stupid Jokes

I tried to buy my dad a World’s Greatest Dad mug for his birthday today.
The cashier told me that I was too late. Somebody else’s dad already is.

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Dad Jokes Stupid Jokes

A man was granted two wishes by God.
He asked for the best drink and the best woman ever.
He got mineral water and Mother Teresa.

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Men jokes Stupid Jokes

I confess… Here are some clues that tell you I’m from Alabama:
• I think my farts are my best jokes.
• My dog gags when he sees me eat.
• I finally cut the grass on the front lawn and found a car up on cinder blocks.
• My family tree has just one long trunk with no branches.
• Mobile Alabama had an inсеsт contest and I entered my older sister.
• My beard attracts birds.
• I remove my toothpick only for family weddings and group pictures.
• I think of “Fast food” as hitting a possum at 80 mph.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Stupid Jokes Dog jokes

I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so I quickly followed her.
As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus.
So I ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!”
She didn’t hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too.
As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, “You dropped your purse on the floor outside outside McDonald’s.
Thank you so much she said, Where is it?
I said, I’ve just told you, on the floor outside McDonald’s.

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Jokes about Women Stupid Jokes

I just gave my cat some 7UP.
Now he’s got 16 lives.

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Stupid Jokes Cat jokes

I met a guy today who told me he worked as a limb stretcher.
Turns out the ваsтаrd was pulling my leg.

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Office and Work Jokes Stupid Jokes

I walked up to the counter in the chemist and just my luck there was a girl serving.
“Erm… Morning,” I said, “I need some erm… God, this is embarrassing…”
“Don’t you worry sir,” she leaned in and whispered reassuringly, “I get this every day!”
I smiled back.
“Condoms?” she said.
“No,” I said.
“Suppositories?” she said.
No, I said.
Tampons?
No.
Well, it can’t be that embarrassing then, sir, she said with a smile.
Paracetamol, I said.
Paracetamol? she gave me a puzzled look. $1.99 please. What’s so embarrassing?
Then I pulled out my little pink purse.

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God Jokes Stupid Jokes

A boy with a physical disability has just returned from a summer camp.
His mum with an astonished face notices a diploma dancing for 1st place at the bottom of the boy's luggage.
Mum:
"Jimmy, did you dance with a girl?"
Boy:
"Nouuu."
Mum:
"Did you dance with a boy then?"
Boy:
"No, mum."
Mum:
"So how did you get it?"
Boy:
"I went to take some tea."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Stupid Jokes

I was talking to my wife today after our son got sent home early from school for swearing.
I said, “Apparently, he said the ‘c’ word.”
She said, “Well that wasn’t clever was it?”
I replied, “No… It was ‘c*nt’.”

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School Jokes Stupid Jokes

What does a blonde say when you вlоw in her ear?
"Thanks for the refill!"

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Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes

Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, she took a ladder to a Giants game.

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Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes

This police officer stops this woman on the highway and walks up to her and asks her if she know why he stopped her. …
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“No.”, the woman replies. …
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“Because you don’t have any tail lights”, the police officer told her. So she get out and walks around to the back of the car and starts crying. …
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“It’s just tail lights you don’t need to cry.” …
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“It’s not that, …. uhhh, where is my trailer”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes

I just read that iPhone users have more sеx than Blackberry users.
Should I worry that my girlfriend has an iPhone and I have a Blackberry?

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Sex Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes Stupid Jokes

The other day I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions.
I told the lady at the desk that I invented a folding bottle. She asked me what I called it.
“A Fottle,” I said.
“What else do you have?”
“A folding carton.”
“What do you call it?”
“A Farton.”
She sniggered and said, “Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude.”
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.

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Office and Work Jokes Stupid Jokes

News: Man ‘hid partner’s body in case’
In case of what? Don’t keep us in suspense.

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News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Stupid Jokes

Patient:
“Doctor, I don’t know what’s wrong with me”.
Doctor:
“Take these pills, I don’t know what they’re for”.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Stupid Jokes

A First Class Magistrate (FCM) is going thru’ a forest one evening when his car breaks down. He looks around and finds a lone house. He knocks the door which is opened by a stunning woman.
FCM: Can I spend the night at your place?
Woman: Well. I live alone.
FCM: I’m an honourable man, a FCM.
Woman: I got only one bed.
FCM: No problem. I’m an honourable man, a FCM.
Woman: I go to bed nакеd.
FCM: No problem. I’m an honourable man, a FCM.
Woman: Be my guest, FCM.
Next morning while leaving, FCM finds the woman busy with her poultry.
FCM: Good birds you got there.
Woman: Yeah.
FCM: How many соскs and how many hens?
Woman: Two hundred hens, one соск.
FCM: But I can see over a dozen соскs around.
Woman: Only one соск over there. The others are first class magistrates.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Stupid Jokes