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Stupid Jokes

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Humans pretend to be smart…. But we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we are suddenly gonna develop X-Ray vision.
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Stupid Jokes
Farmer Brown is ploughing his field when his plough breaks, so he thinks for a bit and decides to ask his neighbour, Farmer Jones, if he could lend him his plough so that he could get the job finished.
As he’s walking over the field towards Farmer Jones’s, Farmer Brown is thinking about how he’ll ask to borrow Farmer Jones’s plough and how the conversation will go….
So I’ll say, “Hello Farmer Jones, could I borrow your plough please?”
And he’ll ask, “Why do you want to borrow my plough?”
I’ll answer, “Because mine’s broken.”
And he’ll ask, “What if you break mine?”
I’ll say, “Well I’d buy you a new one.”
He’ll say, “If you could afford to buy me a new one, why don’t you just buy yourself a new one in the first place?”
By this time, Brown was at Farmer Jones’s farmhouse so he knocked on the front door and waited for Farmer Jones to answer. After a few moments Farmer Jones opens the door and says, “Good morning Farmer Brown, what can I do for you today?”
Farmer Brown snaps “Stick your plough up your аrsе!”
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Stupid Jokes
Happy Birthday Elvis, Born 80 years ago today
If he was still alive he’d probably be dead by now.
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Stupid Jokes
I want to get a DVD from eBay.
I’m confused. Do I click ‘Buy’ or ‘Watch this item’?
Surely I want to do both.
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Stupid Jokes
We have enough gun control. What we need is idiот control.
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Stupid Jokes
(Ollie and Sven are two doofuses; Minnesota’s counterpart to Раddy and Mike from Ireland… ) …. ….
Ollie walks by Sven’s house and sees a sign that says “Boat for sale”. He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, “Ollie, I see dat sign dat says ‘boat for sale,’ but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower.” …
…
Sven says, “Yup, and dey’re boat for sale.”
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Stupid Jokes
Ollie has a problem. His wife Lena is coming home tomorrow on the train but he can’t remember if she is arriving at 8:40 or 4:80.
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Stupid Jokes
I just bought a fresh chicken from a supermarket. The sticker on it reads:
“RSPCA Monitored”
You did not do a good job here, RSPCA; it is dead and wrapped in plastic.
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Stupid Jokes
My son ‘Qwertyuiop’ eventually forgave me when he realised how easy it is to type his own name.
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Stupid Jokes
I beat a black belt at karate.
My next challenger is a green sock.
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Stupid Jokes
I think I might have used too much softener when I washed my underwear.
I haven’t had an еrестiоn for a week.
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Stupid Jokes
I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn’t get me anywhere.
Did I have a smug look on my face later on in life when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive through.
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Stupid Jokes
Lena decided that she and Ollie needed a bit of culture so she bought tickets to the ballet. That evening, after watching the performance for about thirty minutes, Ollie leaned over to Lena and whispered in her ear, …
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“I don’t see vy dey dance on deir toes. Vy don’t dey just get taller dancers?”
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Stupid Jokes
One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 feet, and the guy joined him a moment later. The diver went down even farther and the same guy was right behind him.
The confused diver took out out his waterproof chalkboard and wrote, “How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?”
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, “I’m drowning, you freakin’ моrоn…!”
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Stupid Jokes
This girl in a bikini stopped me to ask directions. I just kept saying to myself, “Don’t stare at her тiтs, don’t stare at her тiтs.”
Then she said, “Don’t stare at whose тiтs?”
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Stupid Jokes Boob Jokes
Just finished reading the fifth book in the “learning to count” trilogy.
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Stupid Jokes
I guarantee there’s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks ‘Ebola’ would be a lovely name for their child.
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Stupid Jokes
Think of how sтuрid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Stupid Jokes
I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses.
I just spent an hour wondering what the fuск he was protecting his eyes from.
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Stupid Jokes
It’s a well known fact. If you stand on the Great Wall of China…
You can actually see the moon.
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Stupid Jokes
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