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Stupid Jokes

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I fell off a 50ft ladder yesterday… luckily I was on the bottom step.
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Stupid Jokes
A joke is like a frog… When you dissect a frog, it dies. Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it… Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn’t be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.
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Ollie, one of our favorite Minnesota doofuses, calls the airlines information desk and inquires, “How long does it take ta fly from Minneapolis to Fargo? …
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“Just a minute,” said the busy clerk. …
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“Vell, said Ollie, “if it goes dat fast, I tink I’ll yust take da bus.”
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Stupid Jokes
The girl opposite me on the bus is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I’m done picking my nose, I’m gonna smile and say hello.
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Stupid Jokes
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
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Stupid Jokes
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something sтuрid to say and then don't say it.
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Stupid Jokes
I was starting my new job at the chemist this morning when some bloke walked in.
“I’ve got a blocked nose, a sore throat and my head feels like it’s going to explode.” he said, “Have you got anything?”
I said, “No mate, I feel fine.”
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Stupid Jokes
I had a blood test the other day.
Couldn’t believe it when I got an A+ - I hadn’t even studied.
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Stupid Jokes
I said to my wife, “Do me a favour, sit on your hands for ten minutes and then wаnк me off.”
“Why?” she asked.
“So it will feel like somebody else is doing it,” I replied.
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After losing the house I slipped into a deep, dark depression attempting suicide on numerous occasions.
My wife says I take Bingo too seriously.
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Stupid Jokes
I saw a poster that said,
“Breathing air in metropolitan areas can reduce your life expectancy by 2-3 years”.
I would imagine that not breathing air would reduce it considerably more.
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Stupid Jokes
I was devastated when I got a text from my “GF” telling me I was сrар in bed. It’s ok though, turns out she got the wrong number.
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Stupid Jokes
My mate told me that I just don’t understand irony.
Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time.
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Stupid Jokes
I called the RSPCA today and said, “I’ve just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs.”
“That’s terrible,” she replied. “Are they moving?”
“I’m not sure, to be honest,” I said, “But that would explain the suitcase.”
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Stupid Jokes
I don’t see why we should have to pay to go on the bus when the drivers going that way anyway!
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Stupid Jokes
Ole always caught his limit of fish and he would never tell anyone his secret. Finally the Game Warden threatened to take away Ole’s license unless Ole taught him how he did it. …
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Ole finally agreed to meet him early one morning to go fishing. The Game Warden came with six rods and three tackle boxes, so he’d be ready for anything. Ole showed up with a small brown paper bag.
They climbed in a row boat and Ole rowed out to a spot on the lake. Ole then opened his bag and pulled out a stick of dynamite, lit it and tossed it into the water. After an explosion and shower of water, dozens of fish floated to the surface. Ole started to row the boat around picking up fish.
The Game Warden was surprised and furious. He shouted, “Ole, you can’t do that! It’s against the LAW!”
Ole calmly reached into his bag and took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He tossed it to the Game Warden and asked, “Vell, are ya gonna to talk? Or, ya gonna fish?”
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Stupid Jokes
What’s the difference between a baby and a jet? One goes from city to city and the other one goes to тiттy to тiттy.
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Stupid Jokes
I built a time machine…
Every time I use it to go back in time, I have restart building it again.
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Stupid Jokes
I went to the Natural History museum today and I found out something interesting.
Massive skeletons used to roam the earth.
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Stupid Jokes
Me: *sees scratches on my phone*
Me: maybe I can scratch the scratches out.
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Stupid Jokes
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