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Stupid Jokes

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One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt and his boots.
The sheriff says “Billy-Bob, what the hеll are you doing walking around town dressed like that?”
Billy-Bob replies “Well sheriff, it’s a long story!”
Sheriff says he isn’t in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story.
Billy-Bob continues “Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did.”
“Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy, well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we did.”
“Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and the Mary-Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same.
Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my boots. Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said “Okay Billy-Bob, go to town…”
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Stupid Jokes
My next door neighbour came round to show me her new baby son.
“You’re not comfortable with babies, are you?” she said to me.
“What makes you say that?” I replied, after shaking his hand.
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Stupid Jokes
The level of pollution in the world today is becoming intolerable.
Only the other day I opened a can of sardines to find it was full of oil and all the fish were dead.
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Stupid Jokes
My young daughter asked me this morning, “Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream.”
“Nothing, darling,” I replied.
It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-shaved head.
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Just melted an ice cube by staring at it…..
Took a bit longer than I thought it would, though.
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I walked out of a club with a girl last night.
She slipped her hand inside my jeans, squeezed my соск and said, “Yours or mine?”
I said, “That’s mine.”
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Sven:
“Ollie I bought a Lottery ticket today.” …
…
Ollie:
“It looks like it has six numbers on it. 29, 4, 42, 11, 35, 36” ….
…..
Sven:
“What are the odds?” ….
….
Ollie:
“29, 11, 35.”
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Stupid Jokes
I was gonna give my change to a homeless guy today, but his sign said “ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU.”
So I held onto it, just in case he was right.
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I’ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper.
Accountant needed!
£35,000 - £40,000
So I phoned them up and said, “The answer is -£5,000.”
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It is said that brushing your teeth with the opposite hand stimulates brain activity in the morning.
I tried it and stabbed myself in the back of the throat. Yes, I’m wide awake now.
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I spent ages trying to cross a busy road.
Some passer-by said, “There’s a zebra crossing fifty yards up the road.”
I thought, “I hope he’s having better luck than me.”
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Stupid Jokes
That’s the last time I try and sell a tele on eBay.
I had 47 people watching it “cheeky ваsтаrds”
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I was in a long line for airline tickets, then I finally made it to the clerk’s counter.
Me:
“I would like a round trip ticket.”
Clerk:
“Where to, sir?”
Me:
“Back here of course! I said round trip!”
Stupid аss clerks…
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How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
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Stupid Jokes
It’s not Politically Correct to say Lottery players are sтuрid or rетаrdеd.
They are “Mathematically Challenged.”
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Well, that was an awkward birthday dinner!
Turns out that МILF doesn’t stand for Mum I’ll Love Forever…
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Stupid Jokes
My mum always told me, “Never do something that you’ll regret later in life.”
I always thought that it was great advice. So I got it tattooed on my forehead.
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Stupid Jokes
Someone broke into my house last night and left a note saying they’d broken one of my keyboard keys.
I onder hich one.
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Stupid Jokes
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
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I’ve been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and I’m getting рissеd off.
It keeps asking me, ‘Where do you want to go?’
So I click on the icon that says ‘Home’ and then it makes me start again.
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