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Steve rushed into a crowded tavern on Saturday night.
Men and women stood 3 deep at the bar.
Our man, who felt nature calling strongly, looked about him but couldn't see anything that resembled a bathroom.
He saw a stairway and race up the steps to the second floor in his desperate search.
Just as his воwеls threatened to erupt, he spotted a one foot by one foot hole in the floor.
Now, at the end of us control, he decided to take advantage of the hole.
He dropped his pants, hunched over the hole, and did his thing.
Thoroughly relieved and relaxed, he sauntered down the steps to find, to his surprise, that the bar which was crowded a few minutes ago, was now empty.
"Hey!"
He yelled to the empty room, "Where is everyone?"
From behind the bar a voice responded, "Where were you when the роор hit the fаn?"
A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad.
She decides to consult a golf pro.
When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball.
She does.
The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right.
The golf pro says to the woman, "I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip."
When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests, "Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband's "club".
When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing.
"She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight for about 275 yards."
The golf pro says to the woman, "That is unbelievable, I didn't think you would do that well. But now on to your next problem. How are we going to get that golf club out of your mouth?"
This guy named "John" asked advice how to lose extra LBS gained during vacation and was told about some new fitness center.
So John went to check it out.
Walked in, put $10 on the counter and said: "I'd like to lose 10 LBS please?!"
The receptionist smiled and pointed to a pink door.
John walked slowly into the room and saw only a massage table, a gorgeous sсаnтily dressed woman on the other side. She said in a sеxy voice "If you catch me, you fuск me! " John ran around n round, caught her and...
A few days later John returned. He put $20 on the counter and said "I'd like to lose 20 LBS. The smiling receptionist and pointed to a red door. John strutting to the door, and entered where he beheld 2 beautifully attired very hot n sеxy women kissing and caressing each other, then they stood up, gazed at John, who was already moving toward them. And they purred "you catch us, you fuск us!"
Already in motion, John ran round n round caught one, then caught the other...
The following week John went back again.
He smiled while searching for the door he knew was waiting for him, and slapped $50 on the counter saying excitedly "50 LBS for 50 bucks."
The receptionist pointed to a black door.
John strode over with quick steps, opened the door and immediately heard a deep voice belonging to the biggest blackest buck nакеd she-male say excitedly
"I catch you I fuск you!"
They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them.
The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!'
'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?'
Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'"
The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'"
The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whоrе!'
And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whоrе? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"
Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.
One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"
The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."
Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the мisт. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."
The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?"
The first says, "That was easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."