Women - Page 93

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer…
The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed
In the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep’a scrollin’…
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect
Woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a
Car accident.
By the way, if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never frickin listen, either.

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Why do women love sеx?
They love anything that involves moaning.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Sexist Jokes

Apparently they’re making a remake of the Never Ending Story.
It starts with a Man asking a Woman how her day was.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

I can’t believe all these women are marching today while their men sit home and starve.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

Female BRAIN:
20% Jewelry
20% Shoping
20% Money
20% Gossipng
10% Kitchen care
10% fcuk
Male Brain:
98% Fcuk
1% Who to Fсuк.?
1% Where to fсuк..

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes Sexist Jokes

I can’t think of anything funny to say.
This must be how it feels to be a woman

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.)Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5.)Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiот and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a wom an can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.)Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.
8.)Don’t worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3. Then you RUN!

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

Borrow five dollars from a woman and they will forget.
Borrow a piece of Tupperware from a woman and they will hunt you down to every corner of the planet.

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

For years, men and women have argued over which is more painful: being kicked in the воllоскs, or giving birth.
So how can we reach an answer? Well, put it this way: about a year after a couple’s first child, a woman will say, “Let’s have another baby.”
But I challenge you to find a man who, one year on, will turn to his mate and say, “Tell you what, buddy… Kick me in the воllоскs again.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

God created man, stepped back and said “perfect!”
He then created woman, stepped back, had a long look and said “Oh Сrар! this”ll have to wear make up!”

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Men jokes Sexist Jokes

After two weeks on a desert island with only each other for company, Bob and Geoff are getting hоrny.
“Look,” says Bob, “Neither of us are gаy, but if you pretend to be a women for me, when I’m done, I’ll pretend to be a woman for you.”
Geoff reluctantly agrees and suffers 10 minutes of painful humiliation as Bob fuскs him up the аrsе. When it’s over, Geoff asks Bob for his go.
“Fuск off,” Bob replies, “I’ve got a headache.”

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

Women always say that men can’t multitask.
Men in fact can multitask, they put up with your вullshiт and still somehow live at the same time.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy.
One is to take her shopping.
The rest is 69.

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

The first thing I look for in a woman is Intelligence.
Because if she doesn’t have that there’s a good chance I can fuск her.

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

A woman knocked on my door collecting for a feminist organisation.
So I gave her some Razors.

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

The teacher asks a pretty female student:
“Name three plays by Shakespeare.”
“4 inches, 8 inches and 12 inches.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Much Ado About Nothing, As You Like It and A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

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Jokes about Women School Jokes

I’m so bad with women I can’t even get them to take their gloves off.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

A Chinese guy sees his mate flirting with a woman this is what they said:
Mate: I'm entirely innocent! I just happen to be passing this certain young lady, whoever she is! Woman: Why's he wearing a lampshade? (referring to his Chinese hat) Chinese guy: If you want it, it's yours!
Woman: But what would I be doing with a lampshade?
Chinese guy: Get yourself a lamp, and it'll make a change from turning my mate on!

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Jokes about Women

How are women and deer similar?
Their value goes up based on their rack size!

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Jokes about Women

A twice married and divorced well-to-do business man named Ralph felt he finally found his soul mate in a woman half his age. Betty, his new wife, was pretty, dirтy blond hair, and not all that bright, but Ralph didn't care. He would do anything to make her happy, and on Betty's birthday he called her out to the front yard.
"Happy Birthday!" he shouted as he proudly showed off Betty's gift, an immaculate 1957 Chevrolet Bel-Air 2 door hard top classic car.
"Wow!" Betty exclaimed. "That's a really ancient looking car. It must be more than 20 years old!"
"Try 50! Honeybunch, I have a business trip to go on. This car will make you a ton of money. There's a bunch of events coming up in Johnson County and when I get back, I bet you're gonna make me a happy man when I find out how well you did."
Ralph left on his trip, and upon his return, as he was driving up the block to his house, he noticed a tow truck in his driveway. Pulling up he saw his dear old classic car on the truck bed, smashed to smithereens. Running into the house, he yelled for Betty.
"What in the world happened to your car?"
"I won first prize, $1000, that's what happened," Betty replied.
"First prize, where?" Ralph asked astonishingly.
"At the Johnson County Demolition Derby!"

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