; ; ; Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy. ; ;

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Judge Jokes, Court Jokes

Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks?
A: Professional courtesy.

A thief just out of court, and his wife calls him:
- Pepe, what did they tell you?
- Well, they told me that 3 years in prison or 100,000 euros.
- Don't be silly Pepe, take the money !

Two judges from a small county happen to be stopped for speeding on the same day. They agree that there's no point in calling the state Supreme Court for a visiting judge; they'll just go ahead and hear each other's case.
The next morning, one judge takes the bench, the other sits at counsel table. The first judge admits he's guilty, and the second judge suspends the fine and court costs for him.
They then switch places, the second judge pleads guilty as well, but the other judge fines him $200 plus all court costs.
The second judge is exceedingly upset:
"I suspended your fine and costs and you go and give me the maximum!"
The first judge responds:
"Well, look at the increase we've just had for this crime. SOMEBODY has to do something about it!"

Two small county judges both got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call the state Supreme Court for a visiting judge, each agreed to hear the other's case.

The first judge took the bench while the second stood at the defendant's table, and admitted his guilt. The sentencing judge immediately suspended both the fine and costs.

They switched places. The second judge admitted that he was speeding, too. Thereupon the first judge immediately fined him $250 and ordered him to pay court costs.

The second judge was furious. "I suspended your fine and costs, but you threw the book at me!", he fumed. The first judge looked at him and replied, "This is the second such case we've had in here today. Someone has to get tough about all this speeding!"

The drunken defendant appears yet again before the tired judge, who says, "You have been constantly appearing before me for the past twenty years." Replied the drunk:
"Can I help it if you can't get promoted?"

“Guilty or not guilty of begging?’ asked the magistrate.
“Nearly guilty,” said the beggar.
“What do you mean, ‘nearly’ guilty? Asked the puzzled magistrate.
“Well, your honor, I asked the lady for twenty-five cents but I didn’t get it.”

In a courtroom, where tensions are high...

Judge: Order! Order in the court!

Plaintiff: I'll take a ham on rye.

"You admit having broken into the dress shop two times?" asked the judge.

"Yes," answered the suspect.

"And what did you steal?"

"A dress, your Honor," he replied.

"One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking in twice!"

"Yes, your Honor," sighed the suspect. "I had to exchange it. My wife didn't like the color."

Mrs. Swanson declined to serve on the jury because she was not a believer in capital punishment and didn’t want her beliefs to get in the way of the trial. “But, Madam,” said the public defender, who had taken a liking to her kind face and calm demeanor, “this is not a murder trial. It is merely a civil lawsuit being brought by a wife against her husband. He gambled away the fifteen thousand dollars he’d promised to spend on a chinchilla coat for her birthday.” “Hmmm,” reflected Mrs. Swanson. “Okay, I’ll serve, I could be wrong about capital punishment.”

The millionaire was arrested for speeding and brought before the judge in a small community. When the judge offered him the alternative of paying a $10 fine or serving ten days in jail the millionaire decided to take the ten days. “But, my good man, you are wealthy,” said the judge, amazement ringing his face. “Why you should prefer ten days in jail to paying a $10 fine is beyond me.” “It’s like this, Judge,” the man explained. “Our chef left and my wife figures it’ll take that long to find a new one.”

The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?” ”Yes, your honor.”
“And why was that?"
"Because my wife wanted a dress.”
The judge check with his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!”
“Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.”

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