En lastbilchauffør morede sig med at køre de advokater han mødte på sin vej ned. Hver gang han så en advokat gå langs vejen forsøgte han at ramme ham ved at køre ind i vejkanten hvor advokaten gik.
Det ville give et højt "smask" og derefter kunne lastbilchaufføren køre tilbage på vejen og fortsætte som intet var hændt.
Da lastbilchaufføren kom kørende en dag, så han en præst. Han rullede vinduet ned og spurgte, hvor præsten skulle hen. Præsten fortalte, at han var på vej hen til kirken, der lå for enden af den lange vej.
Lastbilchaufføren spurgte, om han ikke ville køre med, hvilket præsten takkede ja til.
Pludselig, mens de kørte, så lastbilchaufføren en advokat og han drejede ind mod ham med en voldsom fаrт. Lige i sidste øjeblik huskede han på, at han havde en præst med i bilen og han drejede udenom advokaten.
Selvom han var sikker på, at han var kommet uden om
Advokaten lød der alligevel et ordentligt smask, og han kiggede i spejlene for at se, hvor lyden kom fra. Han kunne intet se, så han vente sig mod præsten og sagde undskyldende:
"Fader, jeg var lige ved at ramme en advokat."
Præsten svarer:
"Det er i orden, jeg fik ham med døren."
Dette er citater fra bogen ‘Disorder in the American Courts’. Det er udtalelser som rent faktisk er blevet sagt i retten og derefter nedfældet af domstolenes referenter. Stor respekt til de, der har kunnet referere uden at flække af grin.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
- ______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
- ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
- ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
- ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
- ________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
- __________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shiттing me?
- ________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
- ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
- ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
- __________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
- ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
- _____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
- ________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be оrаl, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Оrаl...
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.