Drinking and Drunk Jokes

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Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunк but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suск on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re suскing on my diск so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suск on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunк on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
Drinking and Drunk Jokes
How to catch yourself a man
Как да си уловите мъж Како да си фатите маж Cómo atrapar a un hombre Как поймать себе мужчину Wie man sich einen Mann angelt Comment attraper un homme Πώς να πιάσετε έναν άντρα Come catturarsi un uomo Kendinize nasıl bir adam yakalarsınız Як зловити собі чоловіка Como apanhar um homem Jak złapać sobie faceta Hur man fångar en man Ное je een man vangt Hvordan fange en mand Hvordan fange en mann Kuinka napata mies Hogyan fogj magadnak egy férfit Сuм să-ți prinzi un bărbat Jak si chytit muže Kaip pagauti vyrą Kā noķert vīrieti Kako uloviti muškarca
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Drinking and Drunk Jokes
A soldier, a sailor and an airman were sitting together having a вееr and they begin to discuss the greatest technological inventions of the modern world.
"It is the laser," said the soldier, an man of obviously superior intellect. "The laser, because with it, you can determine the precise range to an enemy target, you can use it to gather important telemetry information and you can even use it for photography that is almost tri-dimensional."
"No," interjected the sailor, also an intelligent person, but obviously standing in the shadow of the soldier's phenomenal mind. "It is radar. With radar you can track incoming aircraft and missiles, you can determine the speed of the particular vehicles that are approaching your ship and, if you use it right, you can even heat your lunch."
"I disagree," said the airman, a man of, well he's an airman and all airmen are borne out of a diminishing gene pool. "The greatest invention is the thermos."
"The thermos?" exclaimed the other two.
"Yup, a thermos," he said. "I mean, just think about it. If you want something hot you put hot stuff in it. If you want cold, you put cold stuff in it."
"Yeah, so?" quizzed the other two.
"Well," said the airman, "How does it know?"
Drinking and Drunk Jokes
It doesn’t matter if you’re dirty on the outside, what matters is what’s inside.
Няма значение дали си мръсен отвън, важното е какво има вътре. Не е важно дали си валкан однадвор, важно е што има внатре. No importa estar sucio por fuera, lo importante es lo que hay dentro. Неважно, грязный ли ты снаружи, важно то, что внутри. Es ist egal, ob man außen schmutzig ist, wichtig ist, was innen ist. Peu importe d’être sale à l’extérieur, l’important est ce qu’il y a à l’intérieur. Δεν έχει σημασία αν είσαι βρώμικος απ’ έξω, σημασία έχει τι υπάρχει μέσα. Non importa essere sporchi fuori, l’importante è ciò che c’è dentro. Dışının kirli olması önemli değil, önemli olan içindekidir. Неважливо, якщо ти брудний зовні, важливо те, що всередині. Não importa estar sujo por fora, o importante é o que há dentro. Nie ma znaczenia, że jest brudno na zewnątrz, liczy się to, co jest w środku. Det spelar ingen roll om det är smutsigt på utsidan, det viktiga är vad som finns inuti. Het maakt niet uit als het van buiten vies is, het gaat erom wat erin zit. Det er ligegyldigt, om det er beskidt udenpå, det vigtige er, hvad der er indeni. Det spiller ingen rolle om det er skittent utenpå, det som betyr noe er hva som er inni. Ei ole väliä, jos se on likainen ulkoa, tärkeintä on se, mitä on sisällä. Nem számít, ha kívül koszos, az számít, mi van belül. Nu contează dacă e murdar pe dinafară, important e ce se află înăuntru. Nezáleží na tom, že je to zvenku špinavé, důležité je, co je uvnitř. Nesvarbu, jei išorė purvina, svarbiausia – kas yra viduje. Nav svarīgi, ja ārpuse ir netīra, svarīgi ir tas, kas ir iekšā. Nije važno ako je izvana prljavo, važno je što je iznutra.
Drinking and Drunk Jokes
Син за пример Две жени разговарят: O pai bêbado orgulhoso diz para o amigo: — Eu tenho o filho que todo pai quer ter. O amigo desconfiado pergunta: — Hum, vamos testar... Ele fuma? — Não. — Ele bebe? — Não. — Ele chega tarde em casa? — Não. — Poxa, agora eu acredito. Quantos anos ele tem? — Vai completar 6 meses.
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There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."
Das leere Glas Билдерот и разочараниот маж Το δηλητήριο Η χειρότερη μέρα της ζωής μου сидит однажды в баре грустный такой мужичок и печально взирает на... В кръчмата - отчаян дребен мъж...пред него - бира. Влиза як здравеняк, потупва го по рамото, изхилва се гаднярски и му изпива бирата! В бара. Влиза един в кръчмата, поръчва си сто грама, погалва чашката с ръка, оставя я и вперва в нея очи - час, два. Karl sitzt ganz niedergeschlagen vor einem Glas Bier in einer Kneipe. Сидит очень грустный мужчина в ресторане, голову руками по дпирает, едва не плачет. A wee guy was sitting at a bar staring at his drink for ages. ,Suddenly, a big biker came along, snatched his glass, guzzled down the contents and laughed, "Hah! So what you gonna do about that, little man?","Nothing," sighed the little guy despondently. "You see, today has been the... O sujeito estava no fundo do bar, triste e arrasado, com seu copo de bebida, quando entra um cara revoltado, quebrando tudo, gritando com todo mundo. O cara chega até a sua mesa, arranca o copo de sua mão, bebe a metade e ainda joga o resto na sua cara: — Fala alguma coisa, cachorro! Fala logo... Un homme maigrichon assis au bar regarde son verre depuis un bon bout de temps. à un certain moment, un homme faisant le double de celui assis au bar entre dans le bar et bois le verre du maigrichon. Celui-ci se mets aussitôt a pleurer. Le costaud un peu mal à l'aise lui dit: - Eh c'était pour... En ung man hade suttit vid en bar med ett glas framför sig i en timme. Då kom en stor, fet och ful MC-kille in och tog mannens glas och drack upp allt. Det gjorde att mannen började gråta. - Var inte ledsen, jag köper en ny drink till dig. Jag tål... Ein kleiner Mann sitzt traurig in der Kneipe... vor sich ein Bier...Kommt ein richtiger Kerl... haut dem kleinen auf die Schulter... trinkt dessen Bier aus... der kleine fängt an zu weinen... Der... Een klein mannetje zit in een bar naar zijn glas te staren. Een half uur lang beweegt hij zich totaal niet. Er komt een levensgrote trucker binnen en deze gaat naast hem zitten. Hij pakt het glas... Un pauvre petit bonhomme est dans un bar depuis une demi-heure. il contemple tristement son verre de bière en soupirant. Tout à coup, un homme barbu en blouson de cuir, entre dans le bar, voit le... Det var en man som hade suttit vid en bar med en drink framför sig i en timme, då kom en tuff mc-kille in och tog mannens drink och drack upp den. Det gjorde att mannen började gråta. – Va inte... Un señor de mediana edad lleva una hora sentado en un bar mirando la copa sin beberla, cuando llega un camionero alto y gordo y se bebe la copa de un solo trago. El pobre hombre se echa a llorar, y... Det var en ung kille som satt på en bar. Då kom en packad, men glad herre fram och drack upp hans drink. Killen började stortjuta! - Men hoppsan! Jag ska köpa en ny till dig, sa den fulla mannen....
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