Animal Jokes - Page 123

Five men end up stranded on a tropical island. The only female around is a gorilla on the other end of the island. After one whole month the guys are all sitting around and Garry stands up and says, “I’m so hоrny, I can’t take it anymore!”
So he grabs a bag and storms off to the other side of the island with his pals right behind him. They catch the gorilla, each guy grabs an arm or leg and Garry puts the bag over the gorilla’s head. He climbs on top of the gorilla and begins to do the nasty.
The gorilla fights and struggles and finally gets an arm free and she wraps it around Garry’s back. Then she gets both feet free and wraps them around Garry’s waist. She gets her other arm free and grabs on to his hips and starts pulling him in harder and harder. Garry yells to his buddies….”Get it off!! Get it off!!
They said, “You’re on top, we can’t get her off of you.”
Garry said… “No, I mean the bag… I want to fсuкing kiss her!!!”

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A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear…. “Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?”
…
…
The bear responds:
- ”No thank you, I’m stuffed.”

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Animal Jokes

If Google ever goes down and stays down, I'm fuскеd. I know four facts and they're all about elephants and I already forgot three of them.

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Animal Jokes

What are the 2 reasons the girl broke up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a cheetah and because he was lion too much to her

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Animal Jokes

There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back home

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Animal Jokes

As the dog sat watching the orchestra, he stared at the conductor and thought…
“Just throw the fuскing thing.”

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Animal Jokes

God created the mule, and told him, "You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."

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Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Animal Jokes

I read that, apparently, 13% of young men living in rural America lose their virginity to livestock. That is not right -- those poor cows. I'm thinking of starting the first annual 'Take Back the Field' rally. I've got some slogans for the cows, like, 'Moo Means No!' Or, 'Hey, stop treating us like women and start treating us like pieces of meat!'

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes USA Jokes

I’m a scientist that’s researching веsтiаliтy between humans and dogs.
……
……
I’ll be in my lab.

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Animal Jokes

I read somewhere that Alligators only have to eat once every three weeks... if only that Disney Alligator could have waited one more day.

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Animal Jokes

Thought I saw a kangaroo in my garden this morning so I ran down the stairs and went outside but it turns out it was just a dog taking a sh*t.

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Animal Jokes

Once there was a skunk family. There was a mother skunk a father skunk and 2 twin skunks one called In and one called out. In and Out didn't get along. Whenever In was in Out was out. Whenever Out was in In was out. One day Out was in and In was out but in never came back home. The father skunk went out to look for In and couldn't find him. The mother skunk went out to look for In and couldn't find him. Finally Out went out to find In and came back really quick. The father skunk and the mother skunk asked Out how he found In so quick. In said it was easy In Stink.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

Don't you love the zoo? I love the monkeys, those are my favorite. They're so cute. And my least favorite, those are the, uh -- with little heads, the -- the kids.

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

Teacher asks her class, “What is the animal depicted on a weather vane?”
Little Johnny, the infamous troublemaker, says, “I know, teacher, I know.”
Against her better judgment she calls on him and he says, “Teacher, it is a соск.”
Teacher asks the class, “Why is a соск on a weather vane?”
“I know, I know, teacher,” says Johnny.
“OK, Johnny, Why?”
“Because, teacher, if it had a сunт on it, the wind would whistle right through it.”

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Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes

A brown and white Snowshoe cat was walking down the street with a doberman walking along side.
I remarked that this was an odd sight to see.
My son said,
"Not so much, if you had the money grumpy cat has, you'd have a bodyguard too."

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Money jokes Animal Jokes

In Afghanistan researchers have found something called the “fanged vampire deer.” It is an animal that hasn’t been seen for 50 years. To be fair, if I lived in Afghanistan I would be keeping a low profile too.
The fanged vampire deer looks like what you’d get if Dracula hooked up with Bambi.

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News and Politics Jokes Animal Jokes

What did the squirrel say to the рrоsтiтuте when he saw the police?
Quick grab my nuts !

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Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Dude: Do you speak English?
Me: Yes
Dude: What is your name?
Me: Bob
Dude: Sеx?
Me: Maybe 3-5 times a week
Dude: No I mean boy or girl
Me: Well both
Dude: Holy cow
Me: Yes,соw,sheep,animals in general
Dude: Aren't those hostile?
Me: Horse style,Doggy style,any style!
Dude: Oh dear
Me: No,no! Deer run too fast...
English is hard

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Animal Jokes Sex Jokes

The Girl And The Elephant
This girl woke up the morning after a wild party and found an Elephant in bed beside her.
She said, Oh my Gawd, “I must have been tight last night.”
The Elephant said, “You were the first time but the second time wasn’t so bad.”

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Animal Jokes

An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. He takes out an ad in the newspaper, but two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.
“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.
"Here, boy,” he replies.

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Animal Jokes