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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

I read somewhere that Alligators only have to eat once every three weeks... if only that Disney Alligator could have waited one more day.

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Animal Jokes

Thought I saw a kangaroo in my garden this morning so I ran down the stairs and went outside but it turns out it was just a dog taking a sh*t.

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Animal Jokes

Once there was a skunk family. There was a mother skunk a father skunk and 2 twin skunks one called In and one called out. In and Out didn't get along. Whenever In was in Out was out. Whenever Out was in In was out. One day Out was in and In was out but in never came back home. The father skunk went out to look for In and couldn't find him. The mother skunk went out to look for In and couldn't find him. Finally Out went out to find In and came back really quick. The father skunk and the mother skunk asked Out how he found In so quick. In said it was easy In Stink.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

Don't you love the zoo? I love the monkeys, those are my favorite. They're so cute. And my least favorite, those are the, uh -- with little heads, the -- the kids.

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

Teacher asks her class, “What is the animal depicted on a weather vane?”
Little Johnny, the infamous troublemaker, says, “I know, teacher, I know.”
Against her better judgment she calls on him and he says, “Teacher, it is a соск.”
Teacher asks the class, “Why is a соск on a weather vane?”
“I know, I know, teacher,” says Johnny.
“OK, Johnny, Why?”
“Because, teacher, if it had a сunт on it, the wind would whistle right through it.”

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Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes

A brown and white Snowshoe cat was walking down the street with a doberman walking along side.
I remarked that this was an odd sight to see.
My son said,
"Not so much, if you had the money grumpy cat has, you'd have a bodyguard too."

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Money jokes Animal Jokes

In Afghanistan researchers have found something called the “fanged vampire deer.” It is an animal that hasn’t been seen for 50 years. To be fair, if I lived in Afghanistan I would be keeping a low profile too.
The fanged vampire deer looks like what you’d get if Dracula hooked up with Bambi.

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News and Politics Jokes Animal Jokes

What did the squirrel say to the рrоsтiтuте when he saw the police?
Quick grab my nuts !

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Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Dude: Do you speak English?
Me: Yes
Dude: What is your name?
Me: Bob
Dude: Sеx?
Me: Maybe 3-5 times a week
Dude: No I mean boy or girl
Me: Well both
Dude: Holy cow
Me: Yes,соw,sheep,animals in general
Dude: Aren't those hostile?
Me: Horse style,Doggy style,any style!
Dude: Oh dear
Me: No,no! Deer run too fast...
English is hard

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Animal Jokes Sex Jokes

The Girl And The Elephant
This girl woke up the morning after a wild party and found an Elephant in bed beside her.
She said, Oh my Gawd, “I must have been tight last night.”
The Elephant said, “You were the first time but the second time wasn’t so bad.”

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Animal Jokes

An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. He takes out an ad in the newspaper, but two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.
“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.
"Here, boy,” he replies.

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Animal Jokes

Did you hear about the promiscuous reptile?
It got gator AIDS.

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Animal Jokes

A man owned a very intelligent dog so, after a long period of time, taught him how to play poker. The dog did very well and won a lot of pots until the owner had to pull him out of the games. “He realized that whenever the dog held a really good hand he wagged his tail.”

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

You can never lose a homing рigеоn - if your homing рigеоn doesn't come back, what you've lost is a рigеоn.

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Animal Jokes

What is the same about a blonde and a dog? They both suск diск.

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Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes

One horse can carry more money on its nose than the stage coach carried in all its history.

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Money jokes Animal Jokes

This guy just sat around, snapping his fingers. Wherever he went, he kept snapping his fingers. People were beginning to get annoyed. Finally a man walked up to him and asked him why he kept snapping his fingers.
"To keep the elephants away," was the reply.
"Elephants? There aren't any elephants within 1,000 miles of here!"
"Then it must be working!"

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

I was driving down the highway when a fox ran in front of me. I slammed on the brakes and stopped in time.
I looked out over the hood of the car and there was the fox, all wide-eyed , looking back at me. It did the sign of the cross and went on its way.

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Animal Jokes

Mind if my hunting dog watches?

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Animal Jokes

Why can't pigs tell a joke? Because they're such a bore.

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Animal Jokes