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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia.
That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
What do you call a соw that fell in a hole?
A hole-y Соw.
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Animal Jokes
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog.
After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man.
However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner.
The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction.
He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him.
The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash.
He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck.
By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated.
As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf.
She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him.
The man thinks for a moment and then responds:
"Could you take the dog for a walk?"
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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Dog jokes
A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes... Can't see well these days".
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says,
"What's the problem... Didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Where did the mooron take the baby соw to eat?
To the calf-ateria.
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Animal Jokes
It's call a Chuck Steak because Chuck just kicked that соw's вuтт.
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence.
Mrs. Johnson said,
"Patty, what are you doing?"
Patty said,
"I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish."
Mrs. Johnson said,
"Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?"
Patty said,
"No... It's inside your dамn cat!"
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Little Nancy's Pet großes Grab Το χρυσόψαρo Неделя сутрин, Нане копае дупка в градината си. Вуте: Малката Виктория вече закопаваше дупката под дървото в градината, когато иззад оградата се показа приветливото лице на съседа, достопочтения мистъра Уолтър. Маленька дівчинка закопує ямку в пісочниці. Сусід, що проходить повз неї, запитує: Маленькая девочка закапывает ямку в песочнице, когда проходящий мимо сосед ее спрашивает:. One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. Вовочка был в саду и закапывал какую-то ямку, когда к нему через за! бор заглянул сосед. Заинтересовавшись, чем это занят розовощекий мальчуган, он вежливо спрашивает: Mariazinha está cavando um buraco no quintal, quando seu vizinho olha por cima da cerca.,- O que você está fazendo menina?,- Meu peixinho morreu, então eu estou cavando um buraco para enterrá-lo.,O vizinho sorri:,- Mas esse buraco não está muito grande para um peixinho... Un hombre encuentra a su vecino cavando un hoyo en el patio y le preguntó: - Hola vecino, ¿qué haces? - Cavo un hoyo para enterrar a mi pez - ¿Y no es un agujero demasiado grande? - ¡Es que el pez está dentro de tu maldito gato! Une petite fille creuse un grand trou dans le jardin familial en pleurant a chaudes larmes. Le voisin, par dessus la haie, l'apercoit et lui demande: - qu'est ce qui t'arrive ? - mon poisson rouge est mort. Alors je l'enterre... snif... - et tu fais un aussi grand trou pour ton petit poisson... Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your... Petit Tom était dans le jardin entrain de creuser un trou quand son voisin le dévisagea au-dessus de la barrière. Intéressé par ce que faisait le jeune effronté, il lui demanda poliment. - Mais que... Mała Zosia siedziała w ogrodzie zasypując dołek, kiedy przez siatkę zajrzał sąsiad. Zainteresował się, co porabia dziewczynka: - Co tam robisz Zosiu? - Moja złota rybka właśnie umarła - odpowiada... Lille Johnny er i gang med at grave et stort hul ude i haven da naboen kommer forbi og spørger hvad han laver. - “Min guld fisk er død så jeg begraver den” siger johnny. - “Så stort et hul behøver... Um sujeito estava no jardim de sua casa quando vê o vizinho, no jardim ao lado, cavando um buraco. Curioso, ele se aproxima da cerca que divide as duas casas e pergunta ao vizinho: — O que você... De var en gång en liten pojke som satt bakom hans hus och grävde en grav till hans döda guldfisk då tittade den nyfikna grannkärringen fram över staketet och sa: - Vad gör du? - Jag gräver en grop... Kalle höll på att gräva en grop i sin trädgård när granntanten tittar över staketet och säger: - Hej Kalle! Vad gräver du för något? - Min guldfisk har dött och jag ska begrava den. - Men är inte... Une petite fille creuse un trou avec sa pelle. Le voisin l'aperçoit et lui dit: - Qu'est-ce que tu enterres là? La gamine, sans le regarder, dit d'un ton froid : - J'enterre mon poisson rouge qui... One day little Johnny is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. “Whatcha doin?” he asked. Johnny replies, “My goldfish died and I`m burying him.”... - Mit csinálsz Marika? - Gödröt ások, temetem az aranyhalamat. - Nem kell olyan nagy gödröt ásni egy halnak. - Csakhogy a halam a maga macskájában van. Morguh Jenny! Wat ben je aan het doen? Mijn goudvis is dood dus ik begraaf hem Haha, gekke meid! Dan hoef je toch niet zo'n groot gat te graven Wel, want hij zit in die kutkat van jou!
Animal Jokes
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
How do you shoot a great white shark?
Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
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Animal Jokes
Three mice in a pub having a bevy discussing who's the hardest.
1st mouse says I'm the hardest I go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i bench press it 30 times and throw it across the room!
2nd mouse says : you рооf! I get rat poison' crush it into powder and snort it.
3rd mouse finishes his drink, gets up and walks to the door, where are you going? asked the other 2.
Home he replied to shаg the cat!
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Animal Jokes
"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
"Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
"That is not my dog."
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Animal Jokes Dog jokes
How do snails get their shells all shiny?
They use snail polish.
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Animal Jokes
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Ruмр-a.
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Animal Jokes Music and Musician Jokes American Jokes
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you.
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Animal Jokes
What's black and white and green?
A frog sitting on a newspaper.
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Animal Jokes
Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!
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School Jokes Animal Jokes
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