Walks into a Bar, Bar jokes, Bartender jokes

Two fат ladies walk into a bar
They order drinks, in a thick accent.
"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.
Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"
"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...
The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A Roman walks into a bar
He holds up two fingers and says “give me five beers.”

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fат guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Blonde Jokes

A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What’s got you down"
The man says “I just found out my Niece is gаy.” The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky
The Bartender asks “What’s got you down now?” The man says "I just found out my son is gаy."
The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women?"
The man says “My wife does.”

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."

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Dark Humor Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Boss Jokes

Walks Into a Bar... Got Grapes?
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him, "No - the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your sтuрid duck beak to the bar!"
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"
Confused, the bartender says no.
"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

Jesus walks into a inn, hands the innkeeper three nails, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

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Boycott Jokes Religion jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Christian Jokes

If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Pick-Up Lines Jokes

Q: What did the drunк emo say to the bartender?
A: Nothing! He was hung over.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a вееr, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his вееr and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

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Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

Man walks up to a priest. The man says “I am Jesus Сhrisт.”
The priest says “No you are not my son.”
The man says " Follow me."
The man walks into the bar and the bartender says
“Jesus Сhrisт your back!”

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Priest Jokes

Marry, i'm just having one more pint with the lads.
If i'm not home in 20 minutes, read this message again

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A black man and an autistic man walk into a bar
The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

When you’re standing at the bar absolutely shit faced waiting patiently for another drink

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

- When you finish this drink, I'll take you out. - I have a boyfriend. - You misunderstood me. We're closing up.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

Bartender: You've already had 13 drinks. Are you sure you want another? Me:

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

Juan was a Mexican man riding his bike to go across the American border. He was holding two bags full of sand on his back. As soon as he got to the border, the guard stopped him and asked what was in the bags.
Juan replies "sand"
The guard told him that they would see about that and took the bags in to inspect them.
He looked through to see if there were drugs, or if they were actually sand, but it was 100 percent sand.
The guard was confused, but knew he had no proof that Juan was doing anything wrong, so he put the sand in new bags, hefted them onto Juan's back and let him cross.
This same thing happened every day for a few months, until one day, 6 months later, Juan didn't come.
After a few weeks, the guard had a day off so he went to a local bar.
He saw Juan sitting on a table on his own drinking вееr, so he went over to him.
"Hey man, I know you're snuggling something in, I just want to know, between you and me, I promise I won't get you into trouble, what are you snuggling?"
Juan looked at him for a second, drank his вееr then said "bicycles".

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Mexican jokes Drug Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes American Jokes Beer Jokes