Blonde Jokes - Page 9

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

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THE DA VINCI CODE (abridged version for blondes)

There is no greater mystic power
Than the scent that rises from a woman's flower
But its glory quickly fades away
Be wise, young ladies - and seize the day!

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A little frivolity to get you going... 1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..." 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. 7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off". 8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle. 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. 11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." 12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' Is it common? ' "It's not unusual." 13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? ""No, because he's really heavy" 14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start." 15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom! 16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' 18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Но-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin. 19. Two fат blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fат bast**d!" 20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." 22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore" 23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

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Blonde Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dog jokes

Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
A: She sneezes.

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Blonde Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters.
She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse.
Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.

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Blonde Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Stupid Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Q: What do blondes and вееr bottles have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Blonde Jokes Beer Jokes

Q: What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a вlоw job while he was driving?
A: They both fell off the motorcycle.

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Men vs Women Jokes Sex Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: Bigfoot, because they don't exist.

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Blonde Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: How did the blonde кill her toy poodle?
A: Trying to put batteries in it.

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Blonde Jokes Technology Jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity?
A: The crayons are still sticky.

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Blonde Jokes Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking blonde and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby. For whatever reason, she decided to do it. When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her: "Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?" The girl was understandably upset at being very sтuрid and naive, and decided to show those boys a thing or two. The next day, they repeated their request, and when she came home she was beaming. "What are you so happy about?" asked her mother. "I totally showed them. Today I didn't even WEAR underwear!"

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Blonde Jokes

iver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?
' Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You duммy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"

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Blonde Jokes

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said,
"I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.
A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself."
"You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker.
"I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe."

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Blonde Jokes Dog jokes

Policeman to Blonde: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Blonde: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Police Officer Jokes Car and driving jokes

A blonde went in the library and walked up to the librarian behind the desk and said, "I would like a cheeseburger."
The librarian replied,"Shh! This is a library!"
The blonde blushed."oh, sorry.." then she whispered, "I would like a cheeseburger."

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Blonde Jokes

To confuse a blonde, stick her in a round room and tell herthere is a M&M in the corner.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: Why didn't the blonde drive her SUV to the cleaners?Because the commercial said, "This car won't take you to thecleaners."

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

How is a blonde different than a 747? Not everyone has been in a 747.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes