Jokes about Cheating

I can’t get my head round the idea of my girlfriend using a viвrатоr when I’m not there. It feels like she’s cheating on me. Betraying me.
Why can’t she get all her sеxuаl satisfaction from me, like my wife does?

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Cheating Jokes

My wife says she would кill herself if she ever caught me cheating on her.
But then again, she promises a lot of things.

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Cheating Jokes

My wife said, “Let’s play truth or dare.”
I said, “OK… truth.”
She said, “Have you ever cheated on me?”
I said, “OK… dare.”

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Cheating Jokes

After giving birth to my daughter, my wife said, “I hope you’ll always love me, and only me.”
I said, “It’s too late, I already do love someone and she looks just like you.”
“Aww, our daughter?”
“No, your sister.”

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Cheating Jokes

Sven came home to his apartment one night, all upset. “Dat yanitor, vot a bragger. He says he’s (Vell ya know) been with every voman in dis building except one.”
“Hmmph,” said his wife Lena. “Must be dat snooty Mrs. Yohnson on da tird floor.”

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Cheating Jokes

My wife’s always walking into things and getting hurt.
Today it was our bedroom while I was fuскing her best mate.

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Cheating Jokes

After a few pints down at the local, talk got round to who had the most expensive watch. I showed mine first.
“That’s a Rolex Oyster, worth two and a half grand,” I grinned.
My mate John smiled and proudly pointed to his wrist.
“This is a white gold Patek Phillipe. I paid the best part of twenty grand for it.”
Dave rolled up his sleeve to show his watch.
“What do you think of that then? It cost 200,000 pounds.
Me and John stared a while then I said, Dave, Thats a Casio.
I know, he sighed. My ex-wife bought it for me then found it in her sister’s bed.

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Cheating Jokes

Since splitting up with my girlfriend, I’ve been feeling pretty lonely at times.
Last night it came to a head, lying nакеd and hоrny in bed I did something I haven’t needed to do for quite a long time.
I rolled over and cuddled the wife.

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Cheating Jokes

My ex came into church last week, it was the first time I had seen her since she cheated on me.
I shouted, “You dirтy whоrе! You are no better than Judаs, you fuскing slаg!” - She looked at me in utter shock.
Then I continued with the service.

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Cheating Jokes

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunк he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his wife:
“Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”
“Nonsense,” said the wife, “You’re so drunк you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.”
The husband climbed out of bed and counted. “One, two, three, four. Dамn, you’re right.

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Cheating Jokes

When my partner asked me to name all my sеxuаl partners I’d ever had, I had to think back to when I was 16.
I took a couple of minutes to list them off and eventually got to my current girlfriend.
Looking back, that’s where I should have stopped.

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Cheating Jokes

Of course God exist. How else could those foolish atheists explain that my girlfriend got pregnant without us ever sleeping together?

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Dark Humor Jokes Cheating Jokes

I started an affair with a blind woman.
It took me a while before I could imitate her husbands voice.

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Cheating Jokes Bad Jokes

My woman and I have finally worked out a good arrangement.
I mean, one night a week I go out with the guys and one night a week, she goes out with the guys.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Cheating Jokes

A husband suspected his wife was cheating on him. He explained his situation to a pet shop owner who replied, "I have a parrot that will let you know daily what goes on in your house. The bird has no legs, so he holds onto his perch with his реnis." Reluctantly, the husband brought the bird home. At the end of the first day, the man asked the bird, "Did anything happen today?" The parrot said,
"Yes, the milk man came over." The man asked,
"What did he do with my wife?" The bird said,
"I don’t know; I got hard and fell."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes Cheating Jokes Parrot jokes

Putting a pin through all of my best friends condoms seemed like a good idea at the time.
Backfired though when I found out my wife is pregnant.

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Friendship Jokes Cheating Jokes

A boy called up his mom from hospital, “Mom, I took tests and they declared that I have AIDS.”
Mom, “What? Don’t come back home son, go away.”
Boy “Why mom, I’m your son.”
Mom, “You foolish boy! If you come back home, then your wife will be infected, from your wife to your brother, from your brother to our maid, from our maid to your dad, from your dad to my sister, from my sister to her husband, from her husband to me, from me to our gardener, from our gardener to your sister…
And if your sister got it, then the whole town is in trouble.

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Cheating Jokes Dad Jokes

A man was having problems with premature еjасulатiоn. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.
In response the doctor said, “When you feel the urge to еjасulате, try startling yourself”.
On the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he is surprised and delighted to find his wife in bed, already nакеd. He’s so hоrny and keen to try out his new ‘system’ that he doesn’t think twice and leaps on board.
After a few minutes ‘slap and tickle’, they find themselves in the ’69’ position. Sure enough, only moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come. Following doctor’s orders, he grabs the starter pistol off the bedside table and fires it.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, “How did it go?”
The man answered, “Just fсuкing great, аsshоlе…when I fired the pistol my wife sh1t on my face, bit three inches off my соск and my neighbour came out of the closet nакеd with his hands in the air!”

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Sports Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Cheating Jokes

A colleague at work asked me earlier why when I started going out with a woman, it only ever lasted 3 or 4 dates at the most.
“I just get scared” I said.
“What, of commitment?” he asked.
“No” I replied, “My wife finding out.”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Cheating Jokes

I came home from work early one night to find my wife and my best mate, sweaty and breathless in the living room. I said, “What’s going on?”
My wife said, “Erm… We’ve been playing on the Wii Fit.” She winked at my mate and said, “Dave did VERY well.”
As I walked out of the room, I heard them giggling and calling me a “diскhеаd”, but I had the last laugh. I checked the next day, and none of his scores had even registered!

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Office and Work Jokes Cheating Jokes