Cheating Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
2018 година. Roboter Lügendetektor A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. So he decides to try it out at dinner. Семейная пара купила робота-воспитателя со встроенным детектором лжи, и решила его испытать. Тут как раз пришел из школы их сын. A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. Après sa journée de travail, un homme rentre chez lui avec un robot détecteur de mensonge. Son fils arrive après lui. Le père demande alors : Mamma Lucia torna sempre a casa con gli acquisti più strani, ed un giorno rientra con un robot dalla capacità di individuare le bugie. Verso le 19 di sera rientra suo figlio Tommaso, con due ore di ritardo. O filho chega em casa, tarde da noite, e encontra o pai na sala com um robô ao lado. O pai pergunta: — Onde você estava? O filho responde: — Errr, na faculdade. Fiquei até tarde fazendo trabalho... O Robô vai pra trás do moleque e POOOF, mete-lhe um tapão na cabeça. — Que porra é essa, pai? — É... Un père ramène un robot détecteur de mensonge à la maison, qui gifle les gens quand ils mentent. Le soir au moment du repas en famille, il décide de le tester. - Fiston où étais-tu aujourd'hui ? - Bah à l'école papa. Le robot gifle le fils ! - Ok.. j'ai regardé un truc chez un pote. - Hmm et... Pappan köper en robot med lögndetektor som slår människor när de ljuger. Han bestämmer sig för att testa den vid middagen. – Son var var du idag? – I skolan pappa. Roboten slår sonen. – Ok, jag såg... Isä ostaa valheenpaljastimella varustetun robotin, joka lyö ihmistä aina kun tämä valehtelee. Hän päättää testata robottia ruokapöydässä. - Poika, missäs olit tänään? Poika vastaa: - Koulussa... Jantje zijn vader komt op een dag thuis met een robot leugendetector. Speciaal aan de robot is dat als iemand een leugen vertelt de robot die persoon een slag in het gezicht geeft. Die avond komt... Teresa aveva perso la speranza di riuscire a far perdere il vizio al marito Paolo di tornare a casa con gli acquisti più strani. Un giorno tornò a casa con l’ennesimo strano acquisto, un robot con... Un homme rentre de son travail avec un robot détecteur de mensonges. Son fils de 11 ans rentre avec 3 heures de retard de l’école. - Où étais-tu tout ce temps ? demande le père. - J’étais chez un... Vader: "Waar ben je al die tijd gebleven?" Jantje: "Ik was naar de bibliotheek om een spreekbeurt voor te bereiden." De robot rijdt recht naar Jantje en verkoopt hem een oplawaai. Vader: "Jantje,... Tėtis nusipirko melą nustatantį robotą, kuris pliaukšteli žmonėms per veidą, kai jie meluoja ir nusprendė jį išbandyti: - Sūnau, kur šiandien buvai? Sūnus sako: - Mokykloj. Robotas pliaukšteli...
Two women were waiting to get into the Pearly Gates of Heaven when they struck up a conversation.
“How did you die?”, the first woman asked the second.
“I froze to death,” said the second.
“That’s awful,” said the first woman. “How does it feel to freeze to death?”
“It`s very uncomfortable at first,” says the second woman. “You get the shivers and shakes and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But, eventually, it`s a very calm way to go. You get very numb and just sort of go to sleep. How did you die?”
“I had a heart attack,” says the first woman. “You see, I knew my lousy husband was cheating on me, so one day, I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, but I found him alone, watching TV. I ran down to the basement but no one was hiding there either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there, so I ran as fast as I could up to the attic. Just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died.”
The second woman shakes her head. “That`s so ironic,” she says.
“What do you mean?” asks the first woman.
The second woman tells her, “If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we would both still be alive.”
A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a whоrеhоusе.
The guy says to the cabbie, “Wanna make a $100?” The cabbie says, “Sure, what do I have to do?”.
The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the whоrеhоusе and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home. So the cabbie goes in.
A couple of minutes later the whоrе house gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this women out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab. The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, “Here hold her!!”
The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, “THIS AIN’T MY WIFE”.
The cabbie replied, “I KNOW, IT’S FСUКING MINE; I’M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!!”.
Wanting to find out if both his wife and his mistress were being faithful to him, Gary decided to send them on the same cruise and question each one later about the other’s behavior.
When his wife returned, he asked her about people on the trip, casually inquiring about the passenger who was his mistress when she mentioned the woman.
“Oh, that woman slept with nearly every man on the ship!” his wife reported.
Unhappy with this information, Gary planned a rendezvous with his cheating mistress and decided to question her about the trip before confronting her with what he knew.
Once again, he carefully inquired about the woman who was his wife after ascertaining that they had met.
“She was a real lady,” his mistress said.
Gary’s spirits picked up. “Why do you say that?” he asked.
“She came on board with her husband and never left his side.”