Jokes about Cheating

I divorced my wife because she likes to have sеx in the morning.
After I go to work.

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Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said
"You're a lot like a math exam."
I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"
She said,
"No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."

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Asian jokes Math Jokes Cheating Jokes

I took a woman back home last night.
We got kissing on the sofa and, before long, I slipped my hand into her knickers. She asked, “Shall we take this upstairs?”
I said, “No, I’d rather we did it here.”
“Oh I see.” She winked, “Something in your bedroom you don’t want me to see, eh?”
I said, “Yeah, my wife.”

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Jokes about Women Cheating Jokes

Why don’t most women ever tell their husbands when they’re really enjoying sеx?
Because their husbands are never there when it happens!

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Cheating Jokes

A man 80 years of age married a young lady. A year later he carried her to the hospital, and she had a baby. The nurse said to the man:
- ”At your age, how do you do that?”
The man answered, “You just have to keep the motor running.”
Another year passes, and the man carries her back to the hospital, another baby. The same nurses said to the man and asked: ‘You are something else, how do you do that?”
He said,”I told you that you just have to keep the motor running”. Another year and back tot he hospital for another baby. The same nurse said:
- ”You are unbelievable, how do you do that?!”
He said:
- ”You go to keep that motor running.”
She answered:
- ”Well, you better change oil, because this one came out black.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Cheating Jokes Nurse jokes

I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

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Physics jokes Cheating Jokes

I said, “I’m working late tonight so I won’t be home until about midnight”
My wife said, “That’s the fifth time this week. Are you cheating on me?”
I said, “Er .. no .. why would you think that?”
She said, “Because you’re a fuскing milkman”

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Office and Work Jokes Cheating Jokes

This guy from across the road was talking to me earlier.
“My wife’s just told me she’s been having an affair with Dave the milkman,” he confided.
“What? That fат ugly fсuкеr I see every morning outside your house?”
“Yes,” he laughed, cheering up.
“Why would Dave the milkman want to fсuк that?”

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Cheating Jokes Fat Jokes

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes Military Jokes Dentist Jokes Cheating Jokes

Whilst travelling to work on the train this morning I noticed this really fit bird that I couldn’t take my eyes off. She saw me looking and smiled back.
I thought, “Wow, I’m in here.”
For the next ten minutes we continued to smile at each other and gaze into each other’s eyes. As the train pulled into the next station, she looked like she was about to get off. I decided to make my move and got out of my seat to ask for her number. She rose towards me and, without even asking, she passed me a bit of paper with her number already written on it. As she pressed it into my hand she kissed me gently on the lips and whispered in my ear, “Please call me.”
The train doors soon opened and she disappeared with the departing crowd.
I returned back to my seat, feeling giddy and light headed with what had just happened, until I felt a smack on the side on the head and the wife shouted, “What the fuск you doing?”

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Office and Work Jokes Cheating Jokes

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says, “I’m sleeping with the priest’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?”
The friend doesn’t like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After mass, he starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of sтuрid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks Mike what he’s really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest, “My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”
The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike’s shoulder and says, “You’d better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago.”

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Friendship Jokes Cheating Jokes Priest Jokes

A guy with a gun enters in a bar.
- Who had sеx with my wife?
A voice was heard in the background:
- You don`t have enough bullets mate!

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Sex Jokes Cheating Jokes

I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.
I said, “What’s going on?”
“You tell me?” replied my wife.
I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.”
“A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sеx for six months!”
I looked at my wife and said, “Is this true?”

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Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes Cheating Jokes

When it comes to sеx, my wife and I like different things.
She likes missionary and doggy position. I like my receptionist.

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Sex Jokes Cheating Jokes

I finally told my wife the truth; that I was seeing a psychiatrist.
Then she told me the truth: that she is seeing a psychiatrist, two bartenders, the mailman and her fitness trainer.

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Fitness jokes Cheating Jokes

The college teacher noticed that his exchange student, André, suddenly had started attracting a lot of female attention.
So, one day he asks André about his secret. André replies:
“Well, before sеx I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer”.
Later that day, the college teacher gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome opportunity for sеx. So, he quickly undresses and starts ваnging his diск against the dresser, just before hearing his wife calling from the shower:
“Is that you, André?”.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Cheating Jokes School Jokes

Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his diск after his mistress found the ring in his trouser pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep
I don’t know what’s worse:
1) Having your mistress find out you’re married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your dick
3) Or finding out your diск fits through your wedding ring.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Cheating Jokes

A husband and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. “You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. “What took you so long to answer?”
“I was in bed.”
“What were you doing in bed this late?”
“Getting a second opinion.”

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Office and Work Jokes Cheating Jokes

Jonh asked his father for an iPhone ...
- Dad, will you give me an IPhone?
- What is the magic word?
- Mary!
- Who's Mary?
- Your lover!
- Do you want a film? Cover? What color?

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Cheating Jokes

There was a guy named John, who was the most positive guy in the whole world. Every time anyone said something negative, John would always say, “It could have been worse.”
One day, John’s coworkers all got together and decided to come up with a scenario so bad that John couldn’t say that it could have been worse.
When John arrived at work that day, one of his coworkers asked him, “John did you hear what happened to Sam last night?”
John replied, “No, what?” The coworker replied, “When Sam got home last night, he found his wife in bed with another man. Sam shot the man, his wife, and then turned the gun on himself!” John replied, “Well, it could have been worse.” In disgust the coworker replied, “Now how could that have been any worse?” John replied, “Because if it had been the night before, he would have shot me!”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Cheating Jokes