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An engineer and a scientist walk into a dive bar....
Smiling, happy, the engineer says,
"Bartender, shots for everyone!"
The bartender leans in, confused, "I can tell you're not from around here. Are you sure you want to buy these people drinks?"
The scientist retorts with, "Make 'em doubles!"
The bartender deploys the drinks to everyone around the smoky bar, the newcomers raise their glasses, and everyone drinks.
The scientist and the engineer then pay their substantial tab, leave a generous tip, and pull away in a Tesla. Naturally, everyone is a bit confused about what just happened, but before long everyone gets back to NASCAR, NFL, Fox, country music, cigarettes, cheap вееr, Trump, and arguing about Ford versus Chevy.
While the engineer sets the car to autopilot, the scientist pulls up this very joke, half composed, on his iPad, and with furrowed brow says,
"We still need a punch line."
The engineer nods in affirmation, and says,
"Look in the rear view mirror."
He looks. The small dive bar recedes into the darkness as the Tesla picks up speed, rapidly and silently.
"They don't even remember us. We worked our аssеs off, moved away to the city, competed with the brightest kids from around the globe, earned advanced degrees, and now we challenge global warming by designing advanced battery systems for electric cars. We have made a fortune along the way. I am 28. You are 29. Those townies will live and die back there. By choice. 14 mile per gallon trucks. Shiт вееr. Staying, sitting, stewing, and waiting for progress to come to them.
"There's your f-ing punch line."
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a plain white Chevy advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a rather stiff man in a suit and tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a Dole wannabe, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure".
The guy parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 130-page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says,
"You have exactly 1586 sheep. "That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.
Then the shepherd says:
"If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?", "OK, why not." answered the man. "Clearly, you are a government employee." said the shepherd. "That's correct." says the man "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know сrар about my business...... Now give me back my dog."
A young student looking for a job goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store.
The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Very little.” Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.” His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid says “One”.
The boss says “Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?” The kid says “$165,000”.
The boss says “$165,000? What the heck did you sell?” The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Ford Pinto would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that Chevy 4 wheel drive.” The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?” The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’ ”