College jokes

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College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them - and sometimes with good reason. “What kind of pie do you call this?” asked one student indignantly.
“What’s it taste like?” asked the cook.”
“Glue!”
“Then it’s apple pie - the plum pie tastes like soap.”

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COLLEGE MATHEMATICS EXAM PAPER

INSTRUCTIONS: ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS. ALL QUESTIONS CARRY EQUAL MARKS.

You have dated a girl for 2 years, eventually she drops you for another guy. Calculate the percentage of time wasted.
(20 marks)

You bought a phone for your girlfriend and she gave it to another guy. Using trigonometric identities, derive a general formula for this type of love.
(20 marks)

(For Boys) You’re dating around 15 girls and every girl is demanding for a Samsung Galaxy and an iPhone 6s.

(a) Plot a graph of girls against prices of phones.
(15 marks)

(b) Use your graph to estimate your future poverty.
(5 marks)

You are dating other peoples’ sisters yet you don’t want to see any guy with your sister. Calculate the Percentage Error in your thinking capacity.
(20 marks)

You are a civil servant, your wife is a petty trader, your combined household income is less than $500. Your daughter who is awaiting result is using iPhone 6s and Samsung Galaxy both worth $2,000. Calculate the Percentage of your Parental Negligence.
(20 marks)

(For girls) You’re a girl and you have dated 20 guys with hard labor, use the law of diminishing return to calculate the substance that will be left for your husband to enjoy.
(20 marks)

You can’t give your wife $15 for a рот of soup, but you spend over $100 in bars and restaurants. Calculate the radius of your ‘stupidity’, take p=3.142.
(20 marks)

GOOD LUCK!

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When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant.

Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, "Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!"

It was then he realized we'd removed the drainpipe beneath the sink.

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Q: What do college students and deer have in common?
A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.

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College jokes School Jokes

Professor: And now, Mr. Jones, what do you know about French syntax?

Student: I didn't know they had to pay any.

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College jokes School Jokes

A college student stated, " I DON'T LIKE HISTORY."

"THERE'S NO FUTURE IN IT."

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College jokes School Jokes

How many PHILOSOPHERS does it take to change a light bulb?

TWO: One to argue it's not dark. The other to argue that true light is impossible.

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College jokes Light bulb jokes

Now that the new "professor watch" site is in operation, my college professors just stand there and don't know what to say.

Now I just read the books, but my GPA has climbed an entire point!

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College jokes

While visiting Annapolis, a lady tourist noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

"What are they doing?" she asked the tour guide.

"Each year," he replied with a grin, "the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."

When they were out of earshot of the freshmen, the curious lady asked the guide:
"So, what's the answer?"

The guide replied:
"One."

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College jokes School Jokes

A new student at Harvard stopped an upperclassman and asked, "Where's the library at?"

The upperclassman said, "Never end a sentence with a preposition. Cops do it on TV, but it isn't proper, so to speak."

The new student said, "Pardon me. Where's the library at, МОRОN?"

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College jokes School Jokes

Today we'll let a member of the class lead the discussion. It will be a good educational experience.
(I stayed out too late last night and didn't have time to prepare a lecture.)

The gist of what the author is saying is what's most important.
(I don't understand the details either.)

The test scores were generally good.
(Some of you managed a 'C'.)

Some of you could have done better.
(Everyone failed.)

It's been very rewarding to teach this class.
(I hope they find someone else to teach it next year.)

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The math professor says, "Pi R square"....

But everyone knows "Pi R ROUND"!

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College jokes Math Jokes

What did the iodine say to copper?

"I Cu!"

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College jokes