Criminal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

When I was twelve, I jammed a tile from a Scrabble set into a Nerf gun and shot my brother in the forehead, killing him instantly.
It was an accident though, I thought it was a “blank”.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

Don’t worry if that beautiful girl you’ve had your eye on doesn’t know that you exist.
You’re less likely to be a suspect if she “disappears. “

0 0

Criminal Jokes

After an argument with the wife, I decided to give her some space.
Or, as the dentist called it, a gap.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

I was watching a роrnо and this girl managed to gag on the bloke’s соск for up to five minutes at a time.
Amazed by such a performance, I tried this with my wife and ended up killing her.
Turns out that I just have a slow internet connection.

0 0

Criminal Jokes Internet Jokes

It’s always darkest before dawn…
So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

Why was the Adobe Acrobat document arrested?
It was a PDF file.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

I shouted to the barmaid, “Two pints of lager please.”
She said, “I’m not deaf.”
I said, “Sorry, I noticed your wedding ring and the black eye. I presumed you had a problem listening.”

0 0

Criminal Jokes

As I pointed the gun in my wife’s face I said, “Any last words?”
Three hours later, I shot her.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

Skinny Bob has so far managed to stay out of trouble in prison. One morning he is in the shower when he drops the soap. All of a sudden, a huge bloke with a massive diск is standing behind him, grinning.
“No way out, mate, but I’ll give you a choice: with spit or without spit?”
Bob thinks quickly, shivers, and says, “Yeah, better with spit.”
“Spit!” shouts the huge bloke. “Come on in! The little guy wants a тhrееsоме.”

0 0

Criminal Jokes

She may be 45, but my wife has the body of an 18-year old… …
…
…
She keeps it in the chest freezer.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

This girl told me that she wouldn’t sleep with me if I was the last person on Earth.
If I was the last person on Earth, she wouldn’t have a choice in the matter.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

My brother won a TV quiz show by bribing the guy who sets the questions.
He’s a criminal mastermind.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

My wife was gang rареd by a troupe of mime artists.
They performed unspeakable acts on her.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess. Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?

0 0

Criminal Jokes

Did you hear about the сriме in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

0 0

Criminal Jokes

How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized сriме? They were always using pyramid schemes!!

0 0

Criminal Jokes

A man was sleeping soundly when his wife shook him and said, “Wake up, someone is breaking in!”
The man had gone through this same scenario almost every night of his marriage, and he knew that the only way he would get any rest was to get up and go check it out.
This time, however, he found that there really was a man with a gun who entered to rob the house!
As the thief was about to flee the man said, “Stop! You have to come with me and meet my wife.”
Surprised, the thief turned around abruptly and said, “Why would you want me to meet your wife?”
The man replied, “She’s been expecting you for 20 years.”

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Criminal Jokes

‘Teen held for rаре in South Africa’
No shiт. How else are you supposed to rаре them?

0 0

Criminal Jokes Africa Jokes

I met this girl at a party the other week.
She had a T-Shirt on with the words “Make Love Not War”.
So I tried it on with her, you should’ve seen the fuскing fight she put up.

0 0

Military Jokes Criminal Jokes