Dad Jokes - Page 20

Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn’t real
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk

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So a kid walks in the house and says:
" mommy, mommy, I found daddy"
. And the mother says:
" stop digging around in the garden, and let you Father rest in peace.

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Dad Jokes

Son: Dad, why is my sister named Teresa?
Dad: She's named after something your mother loves, Easter! It's an anagram.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: No problem Alan.

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Easter Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

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Dirty jokes Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

What type of candy is always late?
A chocolate.

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Dad Jokes

What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.

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Religion jokes Nationality Jokes Food Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dad Jokes American Jokes

On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting. He hears his mom call his dad a ваsтаrd and hears his dad call his mom a вiтсh. He asks, "Mommy, what does ваsтаrd mean?" She answers, "Um, it means boy." Then he asks, "Daddy, what does вiтсh mean?" He says, "Uh, it means girl." Later that day, the boy sees his father in the bathroom shaving; the dad accidentally cuts himself and says, "Sh*t." The son asks, "What does that mean?" The dad says, "It means shaving cream." Then he sees his mom in the kitchen carving the turkey; she accidentally cuts herself and says, "F*ck." The son asks her what that word means and she says, "It means carving." That evening, the family's guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. The son opens the door to welcome them and says, "Welcome вiтсhеs and ваsтаrds! My dad is in the bathroom rubbing sh*t on his face and my mom is in the kitchen f*cking the turkey."

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Dad Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Holiday Jokes

Christmas time.
Vаliuм and wine.
Children indulging in serious сriме.
With dad on the wееd and mum high on сrаск.
Christmas is magic when your family is black!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Christmas Jokes Dad Jokes Wine jokes

Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks, what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole.
The next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key
The next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too.

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Cheating Jokes Dad Jokes

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism.
Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government.
We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people.
The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future.
Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is sсrеwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shiт."

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News and Politics Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Political Jokes Dad Jokes

What did my dad say when I wet the bed?
Urine trouble.

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Dad Jokes

"What is a bunny without a carrot?"
-
"Hungry!"

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Dad Jokes

Do you know how I embrace my mistakes?
I hug my wife and children.

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Dad Jokes

Daughter:
"Dad, a kid at school called me a lеsвiаn."
Dad:
"Smack her in the mouth and kick her in the vаginа."
Daughter:
"But dad she is cute."
Dad: ...

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues

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Dad Jokes

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Dad Jokes

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Science jokes Dad Jokes

Guys, I need help here. I just had an argument with my wife & she told me I was right.
"What do I do next?"

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Wife jokes Dad Jokes

I walked into a pub with my wife. The Landlord said "Would you like a вееr for your wife?"
I said: "That sounds like a fair swap."

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Dad Jokes

I told the nurse I was bitten by a wolf.
"Where?" she asked.
"No. Regular"

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Dad Jokes