Dad Jokes - Page 46

“Dad, look! I’m a 3D printer!”
“Chris, close the god dамn door if you’re taking a shiт.”

0 0

Three Неll’s Angels are sitting at a table in a greasy-spoon when in walks a nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat.
Astonished, one of them says, “I went to my parents wedding last week and we all got shiт-faced.”
The nun continues to eat even though she obviously heard the exchange.
Being quick on the uptake the second one says, “My dad says he will marry my mother next year.”
Despite this the nun stays right where she is. Eager to get a response from the nun, the third one says, “My old man will never, EVER marry my mother!”
The nun looks up from her food and says, “Would one of you ваsтаrds please pass the fuскing’ salt?”

0 0

Religion jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

“Sit up straight at the dinner table!” said my wife to my son.
“Why?” he asked. “Dad doesn’t.”
“That’s because he’s spineless,” she replied.
I really should say something but I don’t want to cause a fuss.

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

Son: Dad!, Dad! I got a part in the school play! I play the husband.
Dad: Too bad they did not give a speaking role.

0 0

School Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

Mom: Wherever, we keep the money our son always finds it and takes it where else can we ever put it!?
Dad: Hmm.. why don't you just put it in his book's its not like he ever touches them! Mom: Your a genius!
Dad: Неll yeah, I am.

0 0

Money jokes Dad Jokes

A South Korean family go into a Disneyland restaurant.
Dad looks at the menu and says “The 101 Dalmatians please”

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dad Jokes

A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about рussy, and their b*tch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. "Mom", the boy asks, "What's a рussy?"The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says "Son, that is a рussy." the son then asks "What's a b*tch?" The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says "Son, this is a b*tch."The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says "Dad, what's a рussy?" The father doesn't want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vаginа and says "Son, this is a рussy!"The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks "Then, what is a b*tch?"
The dad replies,
"That's everything outside the circle!"

0 0

School Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

My fifteen year old son had a date last night with a girl he really likes and he asked me, “Dad, what’s the best way to guarantee a shаg?”
I handed him two rohypnol and said, “Here son, try these.”
A few hours later I found the dаfт сunт unconscious on his bedroom floor.

0 0

Masturbation jokes Dad Jokes

“This is my step-dad”
“It’s nice son, but why on earth did you build one?”

0 0

Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Dad Jokes

Son: Dad, I want to get married.
Father: First, tell me you're sorry.
Son: For what?
Father: Say sorry.
Son: But for what ? What did I do?
Father: Just say sorry.
Son: But... What have i done wrong ?
Father: Say sorry!
Son: WHY?
Father: Say sorry!!
Son: Please, just tell me why?
Father: Say sorry!!!
Son: OK, Dad... I'm sorry!
Father: There ! You're finished training. When you learn to say sorry for no reason at all, then you're ready to get married!

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

They want to get back on their kids for sсrеwing up their lives, so they're your best friends. 'You know, Grandma, Dad's yelling at me.'
'Oh yeah? Well tell him he peed in his bed 'til he was 12. See if he yells at you now.'

0 0

Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

A boy was getting a checkup at the doctor's office, while his mother was in the waiting room. Trying to get some information out of the boy, the nurse asked,
"What's your mother's name?"
The boy replied, "Mom."
The nurse said,
"Well, what does your dad call her?"
The boy responded, "Tammy." The nurse wrote this down. She did the same thing, only with the father as the subject, and got the same reply, "Dad."
As a last resort, she remarked, once again, "What does your mom call him?"
The boy looked up at her with big innocent eyes and said,
"Idiот."

0 0

Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Sатаn stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy turned out. It's probably just your Dad."

0 0

Religion jokes School Jokes Christmas Jokes Dad Jokes

He's your basic dad: he has no idea what's going on. He's never done any drugs, but he's burnt beyond recognition.

0 0

Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

Bill and his father are out fishing and drinking вееr while discussing football and NASCAR.
All of a sudden Bill says, “Dad, I think I’m gonna divorce my wife. She hasn’t spoken to me in over six months.”
His father, silent for a moment, slowly takes a sip of his вееr and says, “Son, you better think it over; women like that are hard to find.”

0 0

Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

A little girl asks his dad:
"Dad, how did I get my name?" The dad said,
"Well, Rose, a rose fell on your head when you were young, so I named you Rose." Rose's sister comes in and asked "hey dad, how did I get MY name?"
And the dad said:
"Well, Daisy, when you were young, a daisy fell on your head, so I named you Daisy."
Then a mental rетаrd brother comes in and said:
"Brabrb an rbabra"
"Oh hey Brick." Said the dad.

0 0

Dad Jokes

Dad:
"Don't hang out with those friends, they'll look up inappropriate stuff on their phones."
Me:
"Uh Okay I guess I won't." *SILENTLY, TO MYSELF* "What do you think I do all day, dad?"

0 0

Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

A mother and daughter were out shopping at the mall. The mother saw an expensive fur coat and stated, "This year, I think I will buy my present instead of making you and dad shop for me and I think this fur coat would be perfect too."
The daughter protested, "But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this."
"Don't worry honey," says the mother, "your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks."

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

A little boy asks his dad, “Is it possible to get AIDS from a public toilet seat?”
His dad replies, “Only if you sit down before the other guy stands up!”

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

A son asks his mother " Is Jesus perfect?"
The mother responds "Yes"
Then the son asks " Is God perfect?"
The mother responds "Yes"
Then he asks "Are you perfect?"
The mother says "Yes!"
Then finally the son asks "Is dad?"
Immediately the mother responds "NO!"
The son then says "Why is that?"
The mom responds saying "Because he forgot his соndом and made you!"

0 0

God Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes