Dark Humor Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Q: Hey, what's the jew doing in the ashtray?
A: Family research.

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What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender?
I didn't catch it, I was too busy маsтurватing.

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Three gаy men died, and were cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, ''My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane to scatter his ashes in the sky.''
The second man said, ''My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.''
The third man said, ''My Jim was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a рот of chili, so he can tear my аss up just one more time.''

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Q: Where do one-legged people eat?
A: IHOP.

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A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.
The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

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Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals?
A: He went down really well!

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Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ?
A. Nothing, yet.

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They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.
But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

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Why did Osama Bin Laden кill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.

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The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sеx.
But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.

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Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car.
It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.

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Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force?
He said he wanted to grill his suspects.

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Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler

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Q: What do you call a Jew with a mental disability?
A: Auschwitztic.

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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

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A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over.
The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?"
The man says, "I slowed down."
The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"

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Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
They hid their own eggs!

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What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children.
You put groceries in the other.

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Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons?
A: They're a bunch of no bodies!

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So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest.
They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper.
The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!"
The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"

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