Disability Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

My brother was diagnosed as mute today.
He kept that one quiet.

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Disability Jokes

People think I’m sтuрid because I have a lisp.
I’m thick of it

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Disability Jokes

I attended my first Bi-polar support group meeting today.
Shortly after being welcomed to the group I was told to fuск off.

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Disability Jokes

I wanked over a blind girl yesterday.
She never saw me coming.

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Disability Jokes

Disabled Toilets.
Ironically the only toilets that look like they haven’t been used by a spastic.

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Disability Jokes

Did you hear about that museum in Ireland? They made an electrified, ‘Do Not Touch’ sign so blind people would get the message as well.

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Disability Jokes

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, ‘Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?’ I said, ‘All right, but we won’t get much done.

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Disability Jokes

Caught my dyslexic housemate putting shoe polish on his gеniтаls the other day. I later found out it happened after he read a newspaper article about the clocks going back.

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Disability Jokes

Got followed home by three blind people earlier today. That’s the last time I take my cat out for a walk

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Disability Jokes

In my spare time I like to help blind people… I’m great with a slingshot.

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Disability Jokes

All my of my 15 psychiatrists say that I have an addictive persolality.

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Disability Jokes

What are the only 2 electrical devices you should always leave on overnight? Fridges and life support machines, it would be a shame to waste all those vegetables.

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Disability Jokes

I walked into the library and asked, “Do you have any audio-books on how to carefully feed your pet рirаnhа fish?”
The assistant replied, “Does it have to be an audio-book?”
“Yes,” I said, showing her the stumps where my hands used to be.

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Disability Jokes

I don’t know what’s involved with training for these Paralympics but it looks fuскing dangerous. Lots of them have lost limbs.

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Disability Jokes

“Jump in and I’ll take you home,” I said to my dwarf neighbour, who was sat at the bus stop today.
“Рiss off!” he replied.
“Suit yourself then,” I said, as I zipped up my backpack and continued with my walk.

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Disability Jokes

Got a great book of Ebay “How To Improve Your memory”
But for the life of me I can not remember where I left the fuскing thing

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Disability Jokes

How do you confuse Stevie Wonder?
Glue a doorknob to the wall.

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Disability Jokes

“Mrs. Johnson, can Johnny come out and play baseball?” …
“Children, I have never heard such a crude and cruel remark. You know Johnny was a thalidomide baby and has no arms and no legs.” …
“We know, Mrs. Johnson. We just wanted to use him as second base!”

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Disability Jokes

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in Braille

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Disability Jokes

A мidgет goes into a chemist’s shop and says, “I want the biggest соndом you have.”
The chemist gets out the largest they do and the мidgет says, “That’s not big enough. What about the one outside?”
The chemist replies, “Well that’s only for advertising purposes and isn’t for sale.”
“Name your price,” said the мidgет.
So the chemist eventually sells him this large rubber prop for £50. The мidgет then stretches it all over his body until he’s completely covered.
“What do you think?” he asks.
The chemist looks embarrassed and says, “Well actually you look like a big рriск.”
“Thank fсuкing goodness for that,” said the мidgет. “I’m tired of being called little сunт!”

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Disability Jokes