Disability Jokes and Disabled Jokes

Did you hear about the dyslexic kid who was grounded at Christmas?
Turns out he wrote his letter to Sатаn.

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After a year of being really ill and having multiple hospital trips the doctor finally gave me some good news. I’m going to have a disease named after me.

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News and Politics Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Disability Jokes

(Say this one out loud when you’re doing your stand-up routine!) … …
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? . . . . . . . BOB … …
What do you call 5 men with no arms and no legs in the ocean with a woman named Ann? . . . . . . . BOB, BOB, BOB … BOB, BOB ‘n’ Ann … …
What do you call a thalidomide child with no arms and no legs in a pile of dry leaves? . . . . . . . RUSSELL … …
What do you call him 6 months later? . . . . . . . PETE … …
What do you call a thalidomide child with no arms and no legs between two buildings? . . . . . . . ALI

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Disability Jokes

Two men are walking their dogs, a Poodle and a German Shepherd. They decide they’d like to go into a bar for a drink.
“But we can’t bring our dogs into that bar,” says the Poodle’s human.
“No problem,” says the German Shepherd’s human. “Just watch this.”
He pulls out a pair of sunglasses and walks into the bar. “Hey, no dogs!” yells the bartender.
“But this is a seeing eye dog,” says the German Shepherd’s human.
The bartender apologizes and shows him to a chair.
The Poodle owner decides to follow suit, whips out his sunglasses, and walks into the bar. “Hey, no dogs!” yells the bartender.
“But this is a seeing eye dog,” says the Poodle’s human.
The bartender objects, “Hey, Poodles can’t be seeing eye dogs!”
The Poodle owner gasps, “What?! The agency gave me a poodle?!”

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Men jokes Disability Jokes Dog jokes

Q:Whats the best part of having Alzheimer’s?
A:You can hide your own easter eggs.

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Disability Jokes Easter Jokes

The guy to convince the first blind man he needed sunglasses must have been one hеll of a salesman.

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Men jokes Disability Jokes

When I was a kid my dad told me “I’m fсuкing sick of getting socks for my birthday!”
“You ungrateful man!” I replied. “It’s the thought that counts!”
I could tell from the look in his eyes he’d have kicked my head in.
If he had legs.

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Kids Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes Disability Jokes

The first person in the UK to have a double hand transplant will fulfill his ambition on Easter Monday to applaud the Leeds Rhinos rugby league team.
Personally my ambition would have been to have a wаnк.

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Disability Jokes Easter Jokes

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm….
‘I’d like to buy a horth’ he says.
What sort of horse?’, said the owner.
‘A female horth,’ the owner shows him a mare.
‘Nithe horth,’ says the dwarf, ‘can I thee her eyth?” The owner picks him up shows the eyes.
‘Nith eyth’, says the dwarf, ‘can I thee her teeth?’ The owner picks him up shows the teeth.
‘Nith teeth,’ he says ‘now can I see her twot?’ The owner picks him up and shoves his head deep inside the horses snатсh, pulls him out.
The dwarf shakes his head and says ‘Perhaps I should weefwaze that…
‘Can I see her wun awound?

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Jokes about Women Disability Jokes

So a boy with a stutter goes to his psychiatrist.
Doctor says,” How are you?”
“Naaa naaat too good,” says stutter boy.
“Why is that?”-asks the doctor.
“My-my-my-my-my-my best friend he he he call me na-names!”-said the stutter boy.
“What’s he call you?”-asks the doctor.
“He call me d-d-d-donkey!”-said the stutter boy.
“So that рissеs you off does he call you that all the time or what ?” -inquiries the doctor.
“He-aw-hea-w-he-aw-he-always calls me fuскing d-d-donkey”-replies the stutter boy.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Disability Jokes

Our son was born deaf and blind.
We found it really hard breaking the news to him.

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News and Politics Jokes Disability Jokes

The blind guy in work was telling me how he was getting sick of hearing people making jokes about him.
I said, “I see”

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Office and Work Jokes Disability Jokes

Police today arrested a Thalidomide couple at Heathrow Airport.
They were charged under the terrorism act, for trying to take small arms onto a plane.

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Police Officer Jokes Aviation Jokes Disability Jokes

I went to my new girlfriends house for a meal and to meet her family yesterday.
While I was in the kitchen, she shouted for me to turn on the veg.
You should have heard the row when she caught me fingеring her disabled sister.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Disability Jokes

My best friend went deaf last year and I told him everything would be alright but he wouldn’t listen.

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Friendship Jokes Disability Jokes

The cruel kids at school used to call me four eyes.
Still, quite a creative nickname seeing as I- I- I- I have a stutter..

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Disability Jokes

I met this girl on the weekend and took her home to meet my dad.
He whispered to me, “Where the fсuк did you get her from, son?! She’s cross-eyed, bow-legged, and she’s got no teeth!”
I replied, “There’s no need to whisper, Dad. She’s deaf as well.”

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Dad Jokes Disability Jokes

Doctors can have a cruel sense of humor sometimes. Went to see the doctor about my hair becoming thin and he told me I have НIV… Hair Is Vanishing.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Disability Jokes

My autistic brother recently got arrested after his first day at work as a taxi driver. I should never have told him to “knock em dead”.

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Office and Work Jokes Disability Jokes

I loaned a blind guy some money.
It’s OK though. He said he’d pay me back next time he saw me.

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Money jokes Banker Jokes Disability Jokes