Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

What do you call a van with 5 fаggотs in it?
The AIDS team.

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Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's wомв.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Baby Jokes Birthday Jokes

“A surgeon who does a cut-rate operation is a cheap doctor.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Husband: Doctor, doctor, every day my wife tries to wash the car?
Doctor: What's wrong with that? Most husbands would love to have their wives wash the car.
Husband: In the bathtub?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

The patient went to his doctor for a checkup, and the doctor wrote out a prescription for him in his usual illegible writing. The patient put it in his pocket, but he forgot to have it filled.
Every morning for two years, he showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass. Twice, it got him into the movies, once into the baseball park, and once into the symphony.
He got a raise at work by showing it as a note from the boss.
One day, he mislaid it. His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano, and won a scholarship to a conservatory of music.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem.
As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.
"I'm so ashamed, and dirтy Doctor," she said,
"I guess I let myself go."
The physician was checking hers eyes and ears.
"Don't feel ashamed, Miss.
You don't look that bad."
"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.
The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said,
"Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes

2 friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them jumps up screaming, "A SNAKE JUST BIT ME ON THE TIP OF MY РЕNIS!!".
The other friend said,
"Don't worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!".
So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor.
"Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!" the friend says. "It's ok", the doctor says,
"All you have to do is suск the poison out.".
The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?"
The other friend replies,
"Doctor said you gonna die!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

What’s the sеx?
The sеx in a disease.
You always get in bed because of it.

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Sex Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

One day a Blonde went the doctor with a burn on her stomach.
The doctor gasped and asked what happened. the Blonde told the doctor she put a lighter against her stomach.
The doctor asked her why in the world she would do that. the blond said "I was trying to burn calories."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes

A blonde, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a brunette, a redhead, a lawyer, a rabbi, a musician, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American, A Russian, an Iraqi, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, George W Bush, Osama Bin laden and Barack Obama walked into a bar.
The barman said,
"Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Priest Jokes Nurse jokes Lawyer Jokes

Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.
Nobody would survive anyway.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Political Jokes

Blonde Overdue
A blonde goes into a library and cheerfully says,
"Hi! I'm here to see the doctor!"
In a stern, but hushed voice, the librarian says,
"Miss, this is a library."
So the blonde lowers her voice and says,
"Oh sorry!"
Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes

Jack:
"My brother was sick and went to the doctor."
John:
"Is he feeling better now?"
Jack:
"No, he has a broken arm."
John:
"How did he break it?"
Jack:
"Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window."
John:
"How did he break his arm?"
Jack:
"He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man visits his doctor and says, doctor, I keep seeing green Martians before my eyes.
The doctor asks have you seen a psychiatrist?
The patient says,
"No Only green Martians!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

Woman: Doctor, where are we going?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor.
Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes

Doctor: We're going to have to remove your colon
Me Why?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Yes.
And in what ways does it affect your memory?
I forget.
You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Drug Jokes

Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, "I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized."
Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.''
Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.''

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes Math Jokes

My doctor told me that “1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die.”
The other two apparently become immortal.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Masturbation jokes