Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured.
It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.

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There was a guy and he went to the doctor and he showed the doctor his diск.
He asked why it was orange and the doctor replyed:
Have you been doing anything unusual?
And he said: No.
So the doctor ran so tests then he sent the guy home told him to come back in 2 weeks.
So he did and it was even oranger so once again the doctor asked:
Have you been doing anything at all unusual?
And the guy said:
Well about 2 weeks ago I was watching роrnо and eating a bag of crunchy cheetos.

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Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes

An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urinе tests."
The woman says, "Well, can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes

Patient:
"Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?"
Dentist:
"Wear a brown tie..."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dentist Jokes Beauty Jokes

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea.

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Animal Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Elephant jokes

A niggеr goes to the doctor in South Africa.
He cries he’s got neck pains, the doctor tells him to sтriр his clothes and walk in four legs and stay for a while in every corner of the room.
The niggеr, get’s up in his feet and asks the doctor what’s the point:
Well this because I have a new black table and I wanted to see where to put it!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Africa Jokes

A man lying on his deathbed called to him, his lawyer, his doctor, and his pastor. "I am going to die tonight," and I want to prove that when you go to heaven you can take it all with you. So to my three most trusted friends, you three of course, I am leaving 50,000 dollars in these envelopes. When I die you must come to my funeral and put the envelopes in my coffin with me." The man handed the three men identical envelopes.
A day later they each received news that, that night the old man had died . So each knew they must go to his funeral and fulfill his death wish.
Standing over the coffin one week later the pastor confessed, " I can't hide what I've done. I took 10,000 dollars from the envelope because the church needed to be painted."
Then as he did so the doctor also started to fidget then finally confessed “I took 30,000 dollars from my envelope because the hospital needed a new wing."
Ten the lawyer said plainly “You bunch of crooks! I wrote him a check for the full amount!"

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News and Politics Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him:
- Do you smoke?
- No.
- Do you drink?
- No.
- Do you eat fast food?
- No.
- Don't worry, I'll find something anyways...

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Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

There are two cows in a field.
One says to the other:
"So what do you think of mad соw disease?"
The other replies:
"I don't know, I'm a chicken!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes

This black woman was vastly overweight, and I mean MASSIVE and she went to see the doctor about her weight.
She said to him, "Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me loose weight?"
The doctor replies,
"Yes we do, all you need to do is shake your head from left too right, simple eh?!"
She says,
"WOW that's amazing, um... when do I do it?"
The doctor says,
"Next time your ordered food."

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A woman in labor suddenly shouted out “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry”, the doctor said, “Those are just the contractions”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Qoctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school веll.
Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers?
To stop him from going OW OW OW!

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Michael Jackson jokes

Rugby player:
"Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up.
What's wrong with me?"
Doctor:
"I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

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Sports Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says:
"I’m sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says " 10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies “Nine”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an оrgаsм.
The doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it.
The woman replied, snorting pepper.

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man goes to the doctor suffering from premature еjасulатiоn.
"Can you do anything to help me, Doc?" said the man.
"No, but I can give you the address of a woman who has a short attention span" replied the doctor.

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Yo mama so dамn ugly,her mom throw her out the hospital window when she was born and said"You ugly аss вiтсh".

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Vulgar jokes Yo Momma Jokes Ugly Jokes Morbid jokes

Boy Monster:
Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's? Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you. Boy Monster: Is it still beating?

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Valentine's Day Jokes