Food Jokes - Page 54

A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup. However, the customer notices that something is wrong. So he calls the waiter over.
"Can you please taste the soup?"
"What's wrong with the soup?"
"Just taste it."
"Why?"
"Just taste it."
"Sir, I--"
"Just taste it."
"Fine, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?"
"Exactly. Bring me a g**dамn spoon."

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Food Jokes

Do you ever notice from the time you hang up the phone until the pizza guy shows up, the only conversation you have is 'Where in the hеll is our pizza?'

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Food Jokes

Just asked my wife what she's "burning up for dinner" and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings.

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Food Jokes

A cauliflower is a plant explosion in extremely slow motion.

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Food Jokes

I had friends in high school that used to do speed. Actually, they used to take diet pills, cheap speed, and they talked me into trying it one time. They're like, 'You won't want to eat anything.' Didn't have that affect on me at all -- I just ate really fast.

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School Jokes Food Jokes Friendship Jokes

It says, 'It's safest to let them sleep alone, especially if you drink, use drugs or are overweight.' Yeah, I thought that was weird, too. But if you think about it, if you're drunк, sтоnеd or really fат, in the middle of the night, that baby might look delicious. I've eaten weirder things.

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Food Jokes Fat Jokes

As a poor kid, I really had to scrounge for food. When the local McDonald’s locked their dumpsters, I used to sneak into оrgiеs to eat the grapes.

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Kids Jokes Food Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Waitress: Haven't they giving you a menu yet, mister?
Starving customer: Yes, but I finished that half an hour ago.

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Food Jokes

Do you ever get the waiter who wants to tell you his name? I don't want to know your name. I've got stuff to do. I mean, I'm a really nice guy, but I already have friends. If you're going to Applebee's to make friends with the wait staff, you've got a whole bunch of other problems.

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Food Jokes Friendship Jokes

They have like 300 or 400 signs on the highway to try and get you to come to this attraction. And they have a million different ones and they say different things like, 'Wall Drug: Free ice water.' Tells you about the caliber of attraction we're dealing with. That wasn't even the best one, the best one said, 'Wall Drug: Free doughnut for Vietnam veterans.' Yeah. Couple things about that. One: doughnut -- singular. 'Take it easy lieutenant, maybe move on to the ice water.' I also just love the idea of a guy holding a glazed, being like, 'You know, it was all worth it.'

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Food Jokes

Actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
* A speed limit sign:
"Smile, You're on Radar!"
* Seen in a State Park: (A large sign with a rock hanging on a rope) "Weather Station: Check the rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado."
* Notice in a field:
"The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges."
* Sign seen in a small restaurant:
"Thanks for visiting. If you liked the food, send your friends. Otherwise, send your mother-in-law."

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Food Jokes Friendship Jokes

Being Puerto Rican in New York, I grew up -- I swear to you -- thinking that White Castle hamburgers was traditional, indigenous Puerto Rican food.

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Food Jokes

The national vegetation cross-breeding championship was underway, and a couple of ladies were perusingall of the edible fare that were exhibited.
"Look at these strange vegetables," remarked Sally. "Peas cross-bred with carrots, broccoli with corn; how unusual the way they look when farmers do this to our food."
"What are the chances that food as strange looking as these are okay to eat?" asked Mary.
"I think the odds are pretty good," said Sally.
"Well, I think the GOODS are pretty odd." Mary replied. "I'll pass!"

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Nationality Jokes Food Jokes

Lazy Husband
"I`m ashamed of the way we live," wife said to her lazy husband, our Santa, who refused to find a job.
"My father pays our rent, my mother buys all of our food, my sister buys our clothes, my aunt bought us a car. I`m just so ashamed."
Santa rolled over on the couch. "You should be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a thing!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes

Eating too much pi, can give you a large circumference.

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Food Jokes

A little boy was about to eat a plate full of his delicious meal.
When his mom noticed his urge to eat the food, she quickly asked him,
"Have you said your prayer before eating that meal?"
The boy replied, "No, I won't because I don't want to give away 10% of my dinner."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes

The doughnut is the saddest dessert...
... it just can't find its inner piece.

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Food Jokes

I got kicked out of the cinema last night for bringing my own food in with me.
I was gutted. It’s ages since I’ve had a barbecue.

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Food Jokes

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

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Food Jokes

One evening, a family sat down for dinner. The mother served fish and cauliflower. They were all eating, until the boy, chewing on his fish, found a воnе.
He pulled it out of his mouth and asked, “Mom, what do I do with this?”
“Put it where you’re sure you won’t eat it,” said his mother.
So the boy carefully stuck it into his cauliflower.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes