Insult Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

I drive an SUV. My little hippie friend, Robert, told me that, apparently, my car rapes the land. That's what he told me when I was giving him a ride. I was giving him a ride from Salt Lake City back to San Francisco. So I said, 'Well, I could just let you out here and you could hitchhike, and then we'll see what gets rареd.'

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Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes

Me texting my friend
Me:Why r u sad Friend:My gf left me 2 days ago
Me:Why? u could not satisfy her sexully with ur small pinus
Friend:How would u know that. Are u a stalker
Me:Nope. Last night when i was pumping her up with my diск she acted like she has never seen one

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Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes

Friend- I want to high five her in the face with a brick. Cover her in spikes and dip her in poison.
Friend 2- She can go swimming in acid, with a straight-jacket!
Friend- She can choke on her own puke.
Friend 2- SHE CAN GO STEP IN A LEGO!!! Friend- ... Now that's just plain mean...

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Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes

Ex Girl Friend:
"Fine then. You won't find anyone like me ever again."
You:
"That's exactly the point."

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Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes

Girl: Ha! I'm hotter than you!
Ugly boy: Ha! That means I'm cooler than you!

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Insult Jokes

Bully: Don't you have a date with your hand?
You: No, your mom's when we get to the hаndjов.

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Insult Jokes

Woman: Is that one of those hideous things called modern art?
Man: No ma'am, that's a mirror.

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Jokes about Women Insult Jokes Men jokes

Roses are red violets are blue you little sтuрid аss b*tch I ain't f*cking with you

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Insult Jokes

I'm buysexual. If you buy me stuff, I get sеxuаl.

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Insult Jokes

Me: (Driving a lamborghini) Hey do you want to come in?
Ex girlfriend: Sure
Me: Wait, let me take a picture of you
Ex girlfriend: Why?
Me: I just want to let people know what a gold digger looks like
Me: *Drives away like a boss*

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Insult Jokes

Kid: What a fail!
Me: So was your moms birth control!
Class: Ooo

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

Two in one
Kid: what's the wifi password friend: my dick
Kid: the wifi says its to short
Kid:what's life bully: my dick
Class: (starts laughing)
Kid: no wonder life's so short
Class: (silence)

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes

Comeback Queen #1: Rich or Poor I care no more.
Ok so this mean girl came into my house and she called me poor, just because she had more money than me :/
These were some actual moments:
Girl: EEw what is this сrар on your walls?
Me: a mirror.
Later:
Girl: Hey ha ha I have Subway Surfers on my phone.
Me: Cool so do I.
Girl: YOU have a PHONE?
Me: yeah *shows phone*
Girl: ha ha but there are cracks in it!
Me: speaking of cracks and buts, you should pull up your pants.
Later:
Girl: well noow that I'm leaving might as well give you advice.
Me: which is?
Girl: avoid your face!
Me: I don't have time cuz I'm already avoiding yours.
Girl: GRRR hey where did you get your сrар clothes?!?!?!
Me: The same place you got your life.
Girl: Did you google these comebacks?!!?!? (lol some of them yesh)
Me: Did you google your insults?
Girl: go back your cage! I'm going to my large condo!
Me: Yeah Неll's pretty big, isn't it?
Girl: of course you'd know that.
Me: I know lots of things because I'm not home schooled. ( no offense if you're home schooled but this girl was rетаrdеd)
Girl: I have nickname for you! WANNABE!
Me: I have lots of nicknames for you right now.
Girl: I HAVE THE POWER TO SUE YOU!
Me: you're lucky you don't have the power to read minds.
Girl: That's it! I'm leaving! *gets in car* BYE POOR KIDS!
MY friend: that suскs she gets the last word.
Me: Nope. I put some bug attractor in her hair spray.

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School Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes

Mean Girl @ school: Ugh, you are so ugly, you will never be as perfect as us!
Me: Oh, I could get plastic surgery for my ugliness, you on the other hand will be sтuрid for eternity! Mean girl: OH НЕLL NAW

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School Jokes Insult Jokes

Sluт: You do realize your a big fаggот right?
Me: Вiтсh, Atleast I have friends, and ain't do elephant that eats on the f*cking dамn floor for a living, you only touched 2 püssys man, your cat and yourself. so shut up.

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Insult Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Your momma is so mean... she has no standard deviation.

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Insult Jokes

Someone: your so hairy
You: no my private part is

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Insult Jokes

This guy said to me, "Your belly is getting big... what are you going to do when you look down and you can't see your diск anymore?" So I said to him, "I'll tell your wife to get her head out of the way."

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Insult Jokes

Teacher: How about one of you decides to teach one day? It's impossible teaching you idiots!
Me: *stands up and walks to the front*
Me: Class Dismissed.

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Insult Jokes

Guy: You're a diскhеаd!
Idiot: Atleast I have one.
Class: OOOHHH!!!
Guy: Yeah, on your head!

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Insult Jokes