Jokes about Australia

It’s interesting to know that in Australia on average you are twice as likely to get killed by a terrorist than by a cricket ball.

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In Australia, a race was proclaimed, with a huge payoff for the winner. The one stipulation was that only ostriches were allowed to run the race. A fellow decided to enter, but not having an ostrich, and hearing that the fastest ostrich in the world was the mascot of the local police department, he stole the bird and entered the race. As luck would have it, when the pistol shot went off to start the race, the ostrich buried its head in the sand and the fellow lost the race.
Moral: Never run afoul of the law!

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Police Officer Jokes Australia Jokes

A Texan is visiting Australia for the first time; He sees a sheep and starts laughing; he says to his Australian guide " oh, at home in Texas, sheep are twice as big!" He then sees a соw ands bursts " Рuff, in Texas, our cows are much, much вiggеr!" And suddenly, he sees a kangaroo and asks, "What's that?" the guide answers " oh, that's just a grasshopper...”

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Australia Jokes

An Indian Mystery revealed
Finally someone has cleared this up for me…
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian High Commission in Canberra has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union.
On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won:
-
A - Taxi licence in Adelaide
B - Convenience store in Melbourne
C- Service station in Perth,
D- Kebab shop in Brisbane
E- Take away cafe in Sydney
If there is nothing there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice to Telstra and Optus customers in Australia.

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Australia Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

A man and wife are about to take a trip to Sidney Australia. The man goes up to the Southwest ticket counter and he buys one ticket. The ticket sales man ask the husband, "What about your wife?"

The husband replies, "You advertise, 'All Bags Fly Free'!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Australia Jokes

An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Australian Barmaid) takes his order, Fosters, and notices his accent.
Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite well. At the end of Jill’s shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sеx with him.
Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for sеx. Jill is traveling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again, orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.
This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders Fosters and sits in the corner. Jill thinks that may be she should pay him more attention and may be she can then shake some more cash out of him again.
So she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he’s from in Australia and he tells her Melbourne.
“So am I… What suburb in Melbourne?”
“Glen Iris” he replies.
“That’s amazing…” she says, “…so am I - what Street?”
“Cameo Street” he replies.
“This is unbelievable…” she says, “… what number?”
He says, “Number 20” and she is totally astonished.
“You are not going to believe this but I’m from Number 22 and my parents still live there!”
“I know…” he says, “…your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you”

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Sex Jokes Australia Jokes Bad Habits Jokes

My dream job of driving trucks in Australia turned into a nightmare when I broke down in the outback hundreds of miles from civilisation.
After three days the water ran out and started drinking my own urinе. After another three days I could no longer recycle my рiss and realised I was out of options and had to accept the inevitable.
So I opened some of the Fosters I was delivering.

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Australia Jokes

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.

The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.

The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a group of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

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Farmer Jokes Australia Jokes