Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

The average teenager watches six hours of television every day. At least with drugs, you're out -- you're singing, you're dancing. You're meeting people. You're breaking into homes. You're networking.

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Kids Jokes

The flight attendant on the trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As the young man stepped forward, she playfully offered some to him.
He passed, pointing to the Airborne wings on his Army uniform. He explained, “The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.”

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Kids Jokes Men jokes Military Jokes

I really have no use for the FBI, the CIA, the FCC, the FDA and all those three letter government agencies that intrude on our lives claiming they will make things better. Usually it’s the other way around.
Most of all I feel contempt for the EPA, the “Environmental Protection Agency” that decreed toilet manufacturers redesign their water systems to flush on 1.6 gallons of water or less… Half the water means сrар (figuratively) if it means twice the flush… which it does… and three flushes if someone drops a big enough deuce.
But the kids of today are missing out on one of life’s boyhood pleasures that we rarely told anyone about because of the punishment that would follow: The Swirlie.
The target or mark was usually a crybaby kid in first or second grade. By advance planning, three, four, five of us in 5th and 6th grade would lure him to the boy’s bathroom, tip him upside down and dunk him in a flushing toilet. It was almost worth getting caught as the little kid begged and shrieked as his hair went ’round and ’round in the water, swirling in the bowl as we laughed our аssеs off.
Alas, a childhood rite of passage no longer exists thanks to the “guvvamint” and their green rules.
I fondly remember little Dudley, squirming, shrieking, blubbering and all that soaking wet hair… Priceless!!!
(And it was only a 3 day suspension.)

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunк. I am not drunк! Who would name their kid drunк?

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Kids Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

We was broke, and on top of that, I had a cheap аss dad, one of those 'I'll make it for you' dads. Everything I got was homemade, right down to my Schlitz malt liquor вееr can walkie-talkies.

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

An eight-year-old kid says to his dad, “When I grow up, I want to be a musician.”
The dad says, “I am sorry -- can’t have it both ways.”

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

Son:
"Dad, aren't you getting ready to office today?"
Dad:
"I am working from home today. Get ready soon otherwise you will be late to school."
Son:
"Dad, I am not going to school today."
Dad:
"Why?"
Son:
"I am studying from home today."

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

A group of kids go to jimmys house and knock on the door. The mom answers the door, the kids say " hey can jimmy come out side and play baseball?" The mom says "you know that jimmy has no arms and legs!" The kids say back " yeah! We what to use him as third base!"

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Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone. "Hello," she whispered.
"Hi, honey. How’s your mother?" I asked.
"She’s sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper.
"Did she go to the doctor?"
"Yes. She got some medicine," my niece said softly.
"Well, don’t wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?"
Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "Practicing my trumpet."

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Everyone thinks the youngest has it easy. Parents took it easy on you. No, more like they ignore you. I was born, and they were like, 'Listen, your name is Michael. There's food in the fridge.'

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Kids Jokes Food Jokes

Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sеx.

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Kids Jokes God Jokes Sex Jokes

Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved

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Kids Jokes

A father often read Bible stories to his young children. One day he read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was tuned to salt.” His son asked, “What happened to the flea?”

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

A little boy went up to his grandfather and asked,
"Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?" When the grandfather asked why, the boy replied, "Because daddy said when you croak we're all going to Disneyland."

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Kids Jokes

We're lazy people. We've woken our children up to get the remote for the television.

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Kids Jokes

A boy is assigned homework to have his parents read him a bedtime story. Upon reaching home, his father reads him a variation of the "Three Little Pigs." The story covered everything from the threat of the wolf, to the new addition of the pigs buying their materials, to the pigs defeating the wolf. In class the next day, the teacher asked the boy what the man selling sticks thought when the pig came to his door. The boy promptly answered, "Holy соw, a talking pig!"

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

Guy: Kid your gаy as f*ck!
Me: if I'm gаy how did I get a girlfriend before Obama got office?

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

Larry tells Harry: When I grow up, I am going to be a policeman and follow in my father’s footsteps.
I did not know your father was a policeman, said Harry.
He is not …. He is a burglar replied Larry.

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Kids Jokes Police Officer Jokes

The Bennett family had just moved into the neighborhood and was anxious to make a good impression. But the neighbors seemed busy and not interested.
One day Matthew, their youngest boy, ran into the house and announced, "Ma, a lady down the street just asked me my name!"
Mother replied, "Great! And then what happened?"
Matthew said,
"Oh, she gave it to the policeman."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Bartender: Who Are You? I’ve never seen you before…
Man: Yeah! I just lost my job and came here for a drink
Bartender: What kind of Job?
Man: Well. I am a Consultant.
Bartender: What’s that?
Man: It’s a logical thinker.
Bartender: Logical Think, what?
Man: Let me explain it with an Example. Do you have a dog?
Bartender: Yes!
Man: That means you love animals
Bartender: True!
Man: That mean you love your kids too. Bartender: Yes True!
Man: You have Kids, that means you are Married. Bartender: Very True!
Man: You love your Kids. You are still married, means you have a beautiful Wife.
Bartender: Amazing man! How do you know all these?
Man: That’s logical thinking now you are married to a lady, so you are not Gаy!
Bartender: Impressive!
Man: Time to leave. Bye!
(About 20 minute later the Bartender’s Boss Comes)
Bartender: Boss, you know I met a Consultant today.
Boss: Consultant!! What’s that??
Bartender: A logical thinker.
Boss: Logical what??
Bartender: I’ll explain it with an Example
Boss: Okay!
Bartender: Do you have a DOG?
Boss: No!
Bartender: That means you are Gаy!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes