Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

My wife curiously noticed that every time it was my turn to put the kids to bed they fall asleep in minutes.
I told her that when I play my guitar it works like magic putting kids to sleep.
She said I must be exceedingly talented because it works just like that with her as well.

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It was Sunday morning and Mom told little Tommy to get dressed for church. She told him it was time he dressed himself. She then went to get dressed. After she was done, she went to check on Tommy.
Little Tommy was taking a long time but he finally came out and asked his mom to help him with his tie.
He had all his good clothes on except his shirt. His shirt was one of his old shirts that was torn and tattered. She asked him, "Why did you choose that shirt to go to church?"
Tommy said,
"It is the best shirt for church, because it is 'hole-y'!"

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Kids Jokes

Did you hear about that kid that had sеx with his teacher? Yeah, he recently died from hi-fiving.

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Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

People will come up to me, they'll go, 'Gosh, Gene, you don't look Mexican. You look kind of white.' I say, 'Some Mexicans are kind of white; some are kind of brown. OK, Mom?'

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Kids Jokes

A plane is about to crash and the pilot says that if we want to survive we have to throw some stuff and some people out too, the crew asks the pilot how will we decide who is going to sасrifiсе themselves? So the pilot says start with the alphabetical order. The hostess says all the Africans, blacks and colored people approach the front. A little black kid says to his father should we go daddy? And the father replies 'No son' we're niggеrs today!!

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Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, “We’re making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off.” Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, “Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don’t know whom to fire.”
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, “Barbara, I’ve got a problem. You see, I’ve got to lay you or Jack off and I don’t know what to do?” Barbara replied, “You’d better jack off. I’ve got a headache.”

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes

I dont believe in beating my kids... I make them wear a justin beiber shirt and hat when they go 2 school and have the other kids do it for me

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

May:
"I've never been skiing before."
Dad:
"You don't want to, trust me."
May:
"Why?"
Dad:
"You meet many bad things, like pine tree for instance."

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

Girl: Push it harder!
Boy:It's stuck!
*Mum walks into room*
Mum:What are you kids doing?
Boy and Girl: We got the window stuck.

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

Inside, Michael Jackson is a black man. He has the sреrм of a black man. Sure, he's gonna marry Brooke Shields, but his kid's gonna look like J. J.

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

Three small kids were bragging about how tough they were. “I’m so tough”, said the first little boy, “that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week.” The second little boy said, “I’m so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day.” “That’s nothing”, said the third child. “When my parents take me to see my Grandma and Grandpa, I can wear them out in an hour."

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Kids Jokes

A mom has three kids:
The first sibling walks up and asks, "Mom, why is my name rose?" The mom answers, "Because when you were little a rose landed on your head."
The second siblings walks over and asks, "Mom, why is my name petal?" The mom answers, "Because when you were little a petal landed on your head."
The third sibling runs over and says with a lot of excitement, "Mom! Mom! I can count to potato!"
The mom sighs and says,
"Go away brick..."

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Kids Jokes

Babies are neat, but raising a good kid -- that deserves a medal. Instead of baby announcements like, 'We're proud to announce the arrival of an eight-pound boy,' wait 20 years 'til you're really proud to announce, 'Our 180-pound boy is finally out of the house. He's drug-free, НIV-negative, and hasn't knocked anyone up yet. We're proud.'

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

What's the funniest joke ever?
Chris Benson

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Kids Jokes

Police searching for a missing child heard heavy breathing coming from a parked van.
But, when they looked, it was just a kid napping.

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Kids Jokes Police Officer Jokes Criminal Jokes

“Mum, all the black kids call each other Niggа, but when I call them it I get in trouble.”
“That’s because you’re a police officer.”

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A policeman brought four boys before a judge. "They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor," he said.
"Boys," said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency. Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong."
"My name is George," said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."
"My name is Pete," said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."
"My name is Mike," said the third boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."
"My name is Peanuts," said the fourth boy.

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Kids Jokes Police Officer Jokes

The Farmer’s Kids
A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get a car. His father says, “Son, come with me.” He takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor and says, “That tractor is needed here on the farm and I promise that as soon as it’s paid for, we’ll get you a car.” The boy was not too happy but he did understand that situation and said, “Okay, Dad.”
A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches him wanting a new two-wheel bicycle. Well, he gets the same excuse … “as soon as that tractor is paid for…”
A few days later, son number three, (6 years old) his youngest, comes bugging him for a tricycle. Again, ‘ol Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor being paid for first.
While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a little disgusted with the whole thing, sees a rooster shаgging one of the hens and promptly goes over and kicks the rooster off the hen’s back, mumbling to himself the whole time.
His dad says, “Son, why on earth would you do something like that? He didn’t do anything to you to deserve that!”
The little boy looks Dad right square in the eye and says, “Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that freakin’ tractor is paid for.”

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Fат kid: I've broken my leg!
Me: You're not broken just веnт.
Fat kid: You're веnт.
Me: Your face is веnт!
Football team: OOOHHH!!!
Goal keeper: Why don't you like him?
Fat kid: Because he's a рriск!
Me: And you're a cactus.
Fat kid: Seriously? Come up with an original joke!
Me: I don't need to search for an original joke, because I'm looking at one.

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Fat Jokes