Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Once upon a time in willneverhappenville, there was a black guy who worked very hard, never stole and always took very good care of his kids... The End

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A salesman telephone a household, and a four-year-old answered.
Salesman: May I speak to your mother?
Child: She is not here.
Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?
Child: My sister
Salesman: O. K., fine. May I speak to her?
Child: I guess so.
There was a long silence on the other phone. Then;
Child: Hello?
Salesman: It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.
Child: I did. The trouble is: I can’t get her out of the playpen.

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Kids Jokes

*everyone in class talking at once*
Teacher: *yell's* WHY DO I HEAR TALKING
James: *yell's* CAUSE YOU HAVE EAR'S YOU DUMB АSS ВIТСН!
Teacher: James's can you please step outside of the class for a minute
*kid's in the back with air horn's make MLG horn sound's*
I legit no joke did this at school

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

Here's another sign of getting older, boy: you find yourself saying and doing things your parents said and did. You can't help it. You turn right into your folks, right? I'm saying stuff my dad would say to me. He would say stuff like, 'I want you to have the things I never had.' Apparently, my dad never had a beating.

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

The other day, my little boy talked back to my wife. She told him to do something; he said, 'No, I don't want to.' So, I had to pull him aside and say, 'Listen -- you gotta teach me how to do that.'

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Kids Jokes

Willy runs in and tells his mother you’d better come out. I’ve just knocked over the ladder at the side of the house. His mother says, go and tell your father, I’m busy.
Willy says, Mom he already knows, he’s hanging from the roof.

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Kids Jokes

I'm a Jersey girl myself. I grew up there as a latchkey kid. You guys know what that is? It's like a legal term for neglect.

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Kids Jokes

A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left foot was on the right foot. She said,
"Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up with a puzzled look and said,
"Mom, stop joking. I know they're my feet!"

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Kids Jokes

My parents' 40th wedding anniversary last week. I talked to them. They're feeling old, but they also believe it's never too late in life to do the things you really want. So, this year they put me up for adoption.

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Kids Jokes

One man asked a schoolboy, "How old is your father?"
The boy replied, "He is 8 years old."
Man:
"What?"
Boy:
"Because he became a father when I was born 8 years ago."

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

Doctor: Do you drink or smoke?
Kid: No
Doctor: *Under his breath* What a loser.

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself.
I think they are getting impatient.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!"
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?" he said.
"Then I'll come home and eat!" declared the child, bravely.
"And what if you run out of money?"
"I will come home and get some!" readily replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirтy?"
"Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!!"

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

Mrs. Sullivan and her little daughter Patty were outside the church watching all the comings and goings of a wedding. After the photographs had been taken, everyone had driven off to the reception, and all the excitement was over. Patty asked her mother, “Why did the bride change her mind, Mommy?
“How do you mean, change her min?” asked Mrs. Sullivan.
“Well said the child, “she went into the church with one man and came out with another!”

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

We have kids because we didn't want pets.

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

I wonder what kids today are going to tell their kids. ‘Yeah. it was rough back then. I didn’t get a smartphone til 4th grade and sometimes the wifi didn’t work upstairs'

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes

What I want to do is marry a white woman, never tell her that I'm black. And then when the baby comes out, accuse her of being a whоrе.

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes

My four year old daughter had a terrible case of the flu. She was achy, had a high fever, and was terribly hoarse. After waiting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office for over an hour we were finally admitted to see the Doctor.
After the usual routine of listening to her breathing and checking her ears, the Doctor asked my daughter, “So what would you say is bothering you the most?”
After a brief pause, my daughter replies, “My little brother Steven, he always breaks my toys.”

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Aughter:
"Mommy Mommy, This Kid Jeff Told Me To Climb The School Flag Pole And I Did And He Gave Me Five Dollars!"
:Mother:
"Sweetie, He Just Wanted To See Your Underwear"
The Next Day...
Aughter:
"Mommy Mommy, Jeff Told Me To Climb The Flag Pole, And I didn't Wear My Underwear..."
:Mom:
"....."

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

“How did school go today? a mother asked her little boy. “Fine”, the little fellow replied. “We had a new teacher and she wanted to know if I had any brothers and I told her I was an only child”. What did she say?” his mother asked. “The teacher said, “Thank goodness”

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School Jokes Kids Jokes