Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Two hours ago I told my kid to shut his mouth and eat his supper.
He’s still sitting at the table trying to figure out how to do it.

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If I wanted to get trapped in a scary maze, I'd just go into my kid's bedroom.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

I accidentally hit a kid with my car last night. It wasn’t serious, luckily nobody saw me.

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Kids Jokes

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

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Kids Jokes

We had to break up, though. We wanted different things -- like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Do you remember when you were in seventh grade, when the phone first came out? We were on the phone forever in the seventh grade, right? Twelve-years-old, you haven't accomplished a thing in life, but every time you get home, you run upstairs, slam the door and talk on the phone.

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Kids Jokes

My nephew's always crying. I'm like, 'Dude, why are you crying? Your life is great. All you do is eat apple sauce and take dumps. That's your day.'

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Kids Jokes

One day two little boys were arguing about religion. The one boy said Protestants are better than Catholics. The other boy said Catholics were better than Protestants. The one Protestant boy said,
"Oh Yeah. I bet you don't even know the lord's middle name". The Catholic boy says,
"The Lord doesn't have a middle name".
"Oh yes he does" said the Protestant boy. The Catholic says,
"Ok what is it"? The little Protestant boy says,
"That's easy". Haven't you ever said the Lord's Prayer where it says,
"Our father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name."

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Religion jokes Kids Jokes

Q:What did the little kid say to the black man?
A:I'm afraid of the dark.

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Kids Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

For a long time, babies don't wear real clothes, they wear costumes... My mother in Boston sent us a business suit -- a little suit, a little man's suit: little black pants with a white shirt and a bowtie and a little red sportcoat -- like he's got a job he's got to get dressed up for. Like he's gonna be leaving the house with a briefcase:
'No time for breakfast! Ah, jeez, I messed myself. Hold the car.'

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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

DaffyNition
Cocoon
[kuh-koon] (n.)
A cuh-colored kuh-kid

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Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A little boy knocks at the door and tells the owner that something of his had found its way into her garage, and he wanted it back. The homeowner opened the garage and noticed two additions; a baseball and broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole.
“How do you suppose this ball got in here?” she asked the child. Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at the homeowner, the little boy exclaimed, “Wow lady! I must have thrown it right through that hole!”

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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

Bill was showing Joe the family album, and came across a picture of himself and his wife on their wedding day. “Was that the day Mommy came to work for us?” Joe asked.

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

"I don't think my mom knows much about children."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because she always puts me to bed when I am wide awake
And gets me up when I am sleepy."

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Kids Jokes

When I was a kid, I had this one aunt who used to always call me by my brother's name -- I mean, a million times, every time I saw her. Finally, I just snapped. I said, 'You are the biggest simpleton idiот pinhead I've ever met.' She got all upset, called my parents, told on me. My brother got sсrеwеd.

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

Just trying to give my kids a few childhood memories they don't have to repress...

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Kids Jokes

I have a good friend who was retired but he needs extra $$$ so he took a job as a taxi driver.
Last night, he pulled out to avoid a kid.
… and fell off the sofa.

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Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes

A football coach had a star quarterback who was as dumb as a post. The only way the kid could stay on the team would be to pass all his classes, which was impossible. All his teachers agreed to go easy on him except for one, his math teacher. The coach begged the math teacher to not fail the kid. The math teacher agreed to give the boy an оrаl exam which, if he passed, would count for class credit. The coach came to the exam to support his star athlete. The math teacher asked only one question for the exam:
"What is two plus two?"
"Four," the athlete answered.
The football coach went into a panic and yelled, "Give him another chance! Just one more chance!"

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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes Math Jokes

Funny Bumper Stickers:
· Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiот.
· We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
· He who laughs last thinks slowest.
· Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
· It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
· Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
· Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
· I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
· Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
· Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
· Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

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Kids Jokes Math Jokes