Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

A paperboy is doing his monthly round of collecting money from customers. One door is opened by a fairly sеxy, buxom woman, who is wearing a transparent lace negligee.
“Hi Missus I’ve come for the paper money, it’s $5 please.” says our boy, with his hand held out.
“I’m afraid I’ve no money in the house, ” the woman replies in a breathy voice, “but if you come in I’m sure I can think of something. . .”
So our lad goes in and the woman throws herself back on the fireside rug, pulling off the negligee, moaning “You can have ME instead. . .”
The kid sighs, takes off his bag, and then produces a diск that would be more in place on a stud bull. The woman is agog. Our lad then produces a load of big rubber rings from his bag, which he proceeds to stack around his giant кnов.
“What are they for?” asks the woman.
“Oh, they’re just to make sure I don’t go all the way in when I shаg you.” replies the boy.
“To hеll with them! implores the woman, “I’ll take all of you!”
Our lad replies. . .
“Not for five fсuкing dollars you wont!”

0 0

I was tucking my son in last night, and he tells me that he hates his teacher. She's 'an idiот' and she's 'out to get him,' which is the last thing you want to hear when your kid's home schooled.

0 0

School Jokes Kids Jokes

My sister used to wake me up late at night, tell me it was time for school. Did that every night -- drove me nuts. Of course, it was always a relief to find out it wasn't time for school, but then I had to walk back home.

0 0

School Jokes Kids Jokes

I've always been confused between the definition of right and wrong.
When I was a kid my parents would say, "Boy you have done wrong."
I'd say, "Is that right?"
They twould say, "Yes."

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

The girls I grew up with they're living normal, adult lives. So they call me now and they're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still react like, 'What are you going to do? I'll drive you, I guess.'

0 0

Kids Jokes

You shouldn't have a voice that reaches millions of people when you are that young and sтuрid because there is a record of that. Think about it. How is anyone ever going to run for president? Fifty years later it's just going to be a trial like, 'Senator O'Neil, who is oneilly19?'

0 0

Kids Jokes

Saw a chinese kid and a black kid wave to each other today. Gave me hope for the future. Or another Rush Hour movie.

0 0

Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Kids, don't grow up... it's a trap!

0 0

Kids Jokes

White Kid: SUСК MY СОСК!
Me: Oh, are you repeating what you heard in your mom's room last night?

0 0

Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

Kid: can I have a5 million dollars mommy?
Mom: money doesn't grow on trees!
Kid: what is money made out of?
Mom: paper..
Kid: what is paper made of?
Mom: wood..
Kid:where does wood from?
Mom: trees..
Kid: see money does grow on trees!
Mom: ...
Kid: so ... Where's my money at?????

0 0

Money jokes Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

A first grade teacher collected old, well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. Here are the results:
* Better be safe than ... Punch a 5th Grader.
* It's always darkest before ... Daylight saving time.
* You can lead a horse to water, but ... How?
* You can't teach an old dog ... Math.
* Love all, trust ... Me.
* The pen is mightier than the ... Pigs.
* You get out of something what you ... See pictured on the box.
* When the blind leadeth the blind ... Get out of the way.
* There is no fool like ... Aunt Eddie.

0 0

School Jokes Kids Jokes Math Jokes

If you've ever noticed -- paid attention in any Amber Alert -- you might have noticed they only kidnap the little angel in the family that everybody loves and misses. Why don't we ever hear about them kidnapping badass children? I think people don't report those Amber Alerts.

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Grandfather: Back in my day we didn’t need all these fancy gizmos for entertainment. We had a cardboard box and played with it for hours; now that’s real fun!
Grandson Billy: Really ?!?!
Billy’s mother: Yes Billy, of course they had fun. We are talking about a generation of kids who also ate mud pies!

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shаg carpet to change the TV to one of nine channels.

0 0

Kids Jokes

What the hеll is a 'time out'? When I was growing up, we had black outs.

0 0

Kids Jokes

The first time my son was on a bike with training wheels, I shouted, "Step back on the pedals and the bike will brake!"
He nodded but still rode straight into a bush.
"Why didn’t you push back on the pedals?" I asked, helping him up.
"You said if I did, the bike would break."

0 0

Kids Jokes

“But why can’t I talk inside the library?” Sandy asked her mother. “Because you have to be quiet. Noise is a distraction. The people around you can’t read.”
“Can’t read? Then why are they at the library?”

0 0

Kids Jokes

My daughter was listening to her radio in the other room, I yelled out to her and ask, "What the heck is that disturbing noise?"
She replied, "That's my radio daddy."
I said, "Well try mine it doesn't sound like that!"

0 0

Kids Jokes

After 10 years, a mother can no longer deny that her child does not look like her or her husband. She decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife:
"Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband:
"What’s up?"
Wife:
"According to DNA test results, this is not our kid."
Husband:
"Well you don’t remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had soiled its diaper. Then you said, 'Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here.' So I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirтy one there."

0 0

Kids Jokes

Money can't buy happiness but it keeps the kids in touch!

0 0

Money jokes Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes