Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

People always ask me that really romantic question:
'Do you remember the precise moment you proposed to your wife?'
'Oh yeah, right after I got the test results.'

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Kids Jokes

Certain large people should not wear certain clothing. That's all there is to it. She was wearing one of those designer sweatshirts that say 'Guess' written across the front. Four or five kids behind me go, '250?'
'275?'

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Kids Jokes Fat Jokes

This is my second marriage, and I have a kid from my first marriage 'cause I like souvenirs.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Don't you hate it when a kid in your class acts all smart and everything. So in class one day after they get done being a sмаrтаss, say...
Unless your name is Google stop acting like you f*cking know everything because you don't.

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

If a guy tells you that he's a jеrк, you should probably listen. 'Cause they tell you right off the bat, don't they girls? 'Listen, I'm a jеrк. I'm no good for you.' What happens to us? We turn into a little kid:
'La-la-la-la! I can't hear you!'

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

My cousin, a teacher, asked her young students, "Why should you never accept candy from strangers?"
One girl knew. "Because it might be past the sell-by date."

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Kids Jokes

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it; Fifty people swindled!” Fifty people swindled! Curios, a man walked over, bought a paper, and said,
"Hey kid, this is an old paper, where’s the story about the big swindle?” The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "read all about it; Fifty-one people swindled!”

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

Teacher: Ok class, what comes after 69?
Cool kid: Mouthwash
Me: Says the one that won't get anything
Cool kid: Suск my ass
Me: Not until you shave it Bigfoot

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

I once saw a kid wearing a white T-shirt with a caption that read " Turn down for what? " In the front so I followed him until the time was right i took a marker and wrote all the reasons to turn down on the back!
*kickass if u got it!

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Kids Jokes

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of suскing his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop suскing your thumb, your stomach is going to вlоw up like a balloon."
Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh... I know what you've been doing."

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes

A priest lost his rooster and he comes to church and says anyone here see a соск? All the women raise their hands. "I'm not talking about that kind", he says. Then he says,
"Anyone here have a соск?" All the men raise their hands he says,
"Again, I'm not talking about that kind!" Then he says,
"Anyone in here see my соск?" All the kids then raise their hands.

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

My daughter loved the movie "The Wizard of Oz" and wanted a pair of ruby slippers just like Dorothy. My wife found a pair that were perfect, except they were very slippery on the stairs.
I told my daughter not to wear them when she was using the stairs. While sitting in my living room I heard the clomp, clomp, clomp of what I knew to be ruby slippers. I yelled up at my daughter saying, "I thought I told you not to wear those shoes on the stairs?"
She replied, "Daddy, I am just carrying my shoes downstairs with my feet."

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Kids Jokes

After picking up my kindergartner today, I asked him. Steven were you good today? Yeah Mom. He replied. I said, are you sure? Yes mom, I'm sure.
Well I hope you didn't make your teacher cry today, did you? Still trying to pick it out of him. I said, now you know that Jesus see's you if you're bad or not. Then he looked over at me while getting distressed.
He said, Well let Jesus tell you if I was bad or not!!!

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Kids Jokes

I'm not athletic. I gave up sports early. My last bungee jump was birth.

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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes

Just had the following conversation in a restaurant.
Waiter: Can I take your order sir, kids eat free today.
Me: Oh, well in that case i’ll just have a glass of water and my son will have the grilled lobster,a 15oz steak and a small bottle of champagne please.

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Kids Jokes

Some preteens were hanging out near the entrance to the local hardware store.
"Let's do something dangerous," said Billy.
"Like what?" asked Joey.
"See all those brooms hanging up in the window?" answered Billy. "I dare one of you to take one of those and run out of the store."
Freddy replied, "What would that prove, Billy?"
"How brave we are. It'll be just for fun. And we'll return it right away and apologize."
"Then why don't you do it? Just go in there and grab one of those short brooms," said Joey.
"Aw, I was just kidding, guys," replied Billy. "I'm not a whisk taker!"

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Kids Jokes

For his birthday, my sister gets him a pinata... I'm not allowed over anymore because I kept going, 'Hey Evan, I bet there's some candy in that lamp over there.'

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Kids Jokes

Dumb kid: WANNA FIGHT?!
Me: In my country don't believe in hitting little girls, sorry.

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

There was this tiger that woke up one morning and just felt great (yes, just like Tony the Tiger). Anyway, he felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him, "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?" And the poor quaking little monkey replied, "You are of course, no one is mightier than you."
A little while later the tiger confronted a deer, and bellowed out, "WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?" The deer shook so hard it could barely speak, but managed to stammer, "Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."
The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered up to an elephant who was quietly munching on some weeds, and roared at the top of his voice:
"Who is the mightiest of all the animals in the jungle?"
Well, the elephant grabbed the tiger with his trunk, picked him up, slammed him down; picked him up again, and shook him until the tiger was just a blur of orange and black and finally threw him violently into a nearby tree. The tiger staggered to his feet and looked at the elephant and said,
"Man, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so mad."

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

So this man had a small реnis and he found this really hot girl, they liked each other very much but he didn't want her to know he had a small реnis.
For the past two years, they have sеx in the dark but one night she wanted to do it with the light on and she turned it on and saw the dildо.
Wife: explain the dildо!!
Husband: explain the kids!!

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes