Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

My grandfather invited me to pick pine nuts with him. We went to the same place he took me jack rabbit hunting as a kid. He told me when the nuts get ripe, the cones opens up and they fall on the ground. He said all we have to do is pick them up.
After a few hours of picking I said,
"Grandpa, do know the new technique they use these days sort out the best ones?"
He said,
"No, what is it?"
I said,
"You put them in water and if they float they're not going to taste so good!"

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Kids Jokes

I found a red sleeping mask in the bin as a kid.
I cut eye holes in it, cellotaped it around my head and ran around the house calling myself ‘The Crimson Defender’.
My sister used to think it was hilarious, but insisted on calling me Rаghеаd.

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Kids Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

I love making clothes for my five-year-old granddaughter. And she, in turn, always seems happy to accept them. The other day, I asked if she would like me to make her a skirt.
"Yes," she said. "But this time, could you make it look like it came from a store?"

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Kids Jokes

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch, and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation, and he puts up a sign that reads:
“Warning! One of these watermelons contains cyanide!”
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
The farmer returned to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads:
“Now there are two!”

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Kids Jokes

I got hit with a ruler first day of kindergarten -- for smoking рот. Because if you bring it, you need to bring enough for everybody.

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Kids Jokes

I just joined the Big Brother program recently. The very first question that lady asked me over the phone was, 'Well what race do you want him to be?' So just to mess with her, I said, 'I don't care what race he is, just so long as when I pick him up, he's wearing something sеxy.'

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Kids Jokes

Just bought a really cheap umbrella that has just fell to bits. I wish kids in 3rd world would take more pride in their work.

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Political Jokes

Five-year-old Matt, worked with a speech therapist on the 'ch' sound, which came out sounding like a 'k' sound. The therapist asked him to say chicken. His response sounded more like kitchen.
They tried again and again, but it always came out kitchen. Undeterred, she pushed him for one more try.
Matt sighed and said, “Why don’t we just call it a duck?”

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes

A man went to New York on a business trip. When the trip was over, he took a cab to get to the airport. The cab driver decided to have a little fun at the man's expense, so he asked,
"My mother had three kids, one was my brother, one was my sister, who was the third?"
The passenger had no idea. The driver replied, "The third one was ME!"
The man went home to his wife and said to her, "Hey honey, here's a riddle for you. My mother had three kids, one was my brother, one was my sister, who was the third one?"
His wife was stumped and said,
"I don't know, who?"
The man responded, "Believe it or not, some cab driver in New York."

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

An economist asked,
"When was beef the highest?"
A 6 year old replied, "When the соw jumped over the moon?"

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Kids Jokes

My husband, a big-time sports fаn, was watching a football game with our grandchildren. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful.
“You know,” he said to our grandson, “it’s not easy getting old. I guess I’m in the fourth quarter now.”
“Don’t worry, Grandpa,” Our grandson said cheerily. “Maybe you’ll go into overtime.”

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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes

I know where my daughter is every night. She's with her friends. They come to my house, they go in her room, they close the door, and they light incense. I don't know what's going on in there -- like, I think there's a Zen Buddhist meeting in my apartment.

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Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, “I want to be President one day.”
Trump says, “Are you sтuрid? Are you an idiот? Out of your mind? Are you rетаrdеd?”
The kid replies, “You know what, I’ve changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.”

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Kids Jokes Political Jokes

I took on a summer job this year. I'm working down at the beach here, and I'm a lifeguard. Of course, I'm working on commission. 'Hey, you kids, go play in the riptide. Go on there. Daddy needs a new CD.'

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes

College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back.

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Kids Jokes

Kid- Be f*ckin carefull what you say or ill squash you to the size of a ticktack
You-your like a bag of pampers, self absorbed and full of shit

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

"Where is Pearl Harbor?" I asked my fourth-grade history class. "Here’s a hint... It’s a place where everyone wants to go."
One student blurted out, "Candy Land!"

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Kids Jokes

I walked up the stairs, and I remember thinking, 'I am the man. I am a drinker.' And I walked by the bathroom at the top of the stairs, and the toilet looked at me, and I looked at the toilet, and I said, 'I got away with it.' And the toilet said, 'No you didn't. Get over here and pray to me, вiтсh.'

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

My all-time favorite movie was the Alfred Hitchcock movie, 'The Birds.' I saw it with my older brother. We get home that night -- I went to bed; he opened up all the windows and poured croutons on me.

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Kids Jokes

A little girl asked her mother for ten cents to give to an old lady in the park.
Her mother was touched by the child's kindness and gave her the required sum.
"There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells sweets"

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes