Life Jokes - Page 4

You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass.
You know what that means?
You Matter.

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Life Jokes

A Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in he said, "Yeah, okay."
I said I'm just making a cup of tea do you want one? He said, "Yeah, sure."
I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice? He said, "Yeah, why not."
I then he sat down and I asked him, "So what now?" He said, "I don't know I've never got this far before!"

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Religion jokes Life Jokes

- A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
- You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
- You won't get arrested for picking up coffee on the street at 3 a.m.
- You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
- You can get cup after cup of different coffees all day long.
- No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
- Coffee doesn't talk to you.
- Most coffee is hot, unless you request it otherwise.
- Coffee stains are easier to remove.
- Coffee is ready in 10 minutes or less.
- When coffee gets cold, you can throw it away.
- When you drink coffee, you don't end up with a рuве in the back of your throat.
- Coffee doesn't take up half your bed and all the hot water.

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Insult Jokes Jokes about Women Life Jokes Coffee Jokes

What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.

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Life Jokes

Why is there a fence around the cemetery?
Because people are dying to get in.

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Life Jokes

A tourist was watching an Indigenous man sending smoke signals.
Everything around him was primitive, except of a latest model fire extinguisher.
"What's the fire extinguisher for?" the tourist wondered.
"It's for erasing the misspellings!"

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Men jokes Life Jokes

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant.
The waiter brought the food and put it on the table.
After a moment, the man called the waiter and said: "Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."

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Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes Restaurant Jokes

I couldn't understand why it hurts a lot when you bite your tongue accidentally, but it doesn't hurt when you bite it intentionally, and what I couldn't understand most is why you're biting your tongue right now?!

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Life Jokes

I went to blockbusters last night and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever.
The bloke at the counter said, "NO you have to bring it back tomorrow!"

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Life Jokes Superhero Jokes

A government is doing really bad and is very likely to lose the election.
So they gather the cabinet to deal with the situation.
"Guys we do not go well, we will lose power, we will lose everything. We need to do something" the prime minister said.
A minister pops up and says: "We will redecorate! We will change desks, chairs, sofas, floors, curtains, everything will be changed."
The others also agree and start to make plans.
So sometime later, the maid comes inside, and she sees them so upset all working hard making plans, and says: "What about you guys, What is going on?"
"We do not go well as government and we are changing the decoration" they reply.
The maid shrugs tentatively.
"Why do you react like that?"
"What can I tell you guys" she answers. "Before I came here for work, I used to work in a brothel. And when business didn’t go well, we did not change the furniture, but the hookers."

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Political Jokes Office and Work Jokes Life Jokes

A man sits on a bus looking ashamed. The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong.
He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable вrеаsтs, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh.
The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidentally said, 'You f**king вiтсh, you ruined my life.'"

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Life Jokes

The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.

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Political Jokes Life Jokes

Cool Morals:
1. Money is not everything. There's also MasterCard & Visa.
2. One should love animals. They are tasty too.
3. Save water. Drink вееr.
4. Studying is healthy. So leave it for the sick.
5. Books are holy. So don't touch them.
6. Love your neighbor. But don't get caught.
7. Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life...

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Money jokes Animal Jokes Life Jokes Beer Jokes

Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

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Gynecology Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Sex Jokes Life Jokes

Patient: Doc I keep on forgetting things.
Doctor: Since when did you have these problems?
Patient: What problems?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Life Jokes

My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology."
So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!"
Then I disconnected his life support.

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Dark Humor Jokes Technology Jokes Old People Jokes Life Jokes Grandparent Jokes

I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.

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Parent Jokes Technology Jokes Sports Jokes Life Jokes

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site.
The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched.
He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either."
The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.
Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled...
"SUPPLIES!"

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China Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Life Jokes Scottish Jokes

Q: Why did the Energizer cell go to court?
A: For charges of battery.

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Prison Jokes Life Jokes

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants a man to satisfy their every little need.
A man wants all the women to satisfy their one and only little need.

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Life Jokes What's The Difference Jokes