Men jokes - Page 142

Two blondes are at work when one of them gets a delivery of a dozen roses from her boyfriend. The blonde coworker notices that the blonde recipient doesn't seem too pleased about getting the roses. "You know," says the coworker, "If I got a dozen long stem roses from a man, I would be very happy." The other blonde replies,
"Yeah, but now I have to spend half the night with my legs in the air."
"Why?" the coworker asks, "Can't you afford a vase?"

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What do gаy guys and boats have in common?
A but load of see men!

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

Nurse:
"The invisible man is here for his appointment."
Doctor:
"Tell him I'm sorry I can't see him right now."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Two men are talking and one says to the other, “My wife’s doctor says she has menopause, and, man, has she been moody lately. How long do the symptoms of menopause usually last?” The other man replies, “Let me put it this way: menopause will be listed as the cause on your death certificate.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!

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Insult Jokes Men jokes

A man is at work one day, when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a conservative guy, and is curious about his sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.” The co-worker responds sheepishly, “Don’t make such a big deal out of this, it’s only an earring.” The man falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So how long have you been wearing one?” The co-worker responds, “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

There's a man speeding on the road and a police officer is chasing him for miles. The man finally stops and the officer tells him, "When you see those lights and hear those sirens, you are supposed to stop!" The man says,
"Well, I had a good excuse to keep driving." The officer says,
"I've heard every excuse in the book, but if it's one I haven't heard, I'll let you go." The man says,
"Well a few days ago, my wife ran off with one of your officers, and I was afraid you were trying to bring her back." So the officer let him go.

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Relationship Jokes

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason.
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

This crazy guy walks into a restaurant and tells the waiter, “Lemme get a cheeseburger, not too rare, not too well done, but right in the groove. Lemme get some fries, not too crispy, not too burnt, but right in the groove. And while you’re at it, throw in a shake, not too thin, not too thick, but right in groove.” The waiter took down the order and came back five minutes later and told the man, “The cook said you can kiss his аss, not to the left, not to the right, but right in the groove.”

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man walks into a pub and asks for 12 shots of vоdка. The barman says,
"Wow, 12. Are you celebrating?" The man replies,
"I've just experienced my first вlоw job." The barman says,
"That's brilliant. Let me get you another one on the house." The man replies,
"No, that's okay. If the twelfth one doesn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will."

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes

There is this man who spent the entire day watching the fishing channel. Once he is done, he goes to the kitchen where his wife is and says "Listen honey, I have just declared it. We are going on a fishing trip, you, me and the dog." The wife then replies "No way, I don't wanna go fishing." The man then replies "Well then I'm going to give you 3 options. 1. You can give me a вlоwjов 2. I can fuск you up the аss or 3. You can just suск it up and go fishing w/me and the dog. Now I'm going to the garage and get everything I need ready. I'll be back in an hour and you better have your answer.
So he goes to the garage, prepares everything and comes back in an hour as promised. "Well, so what do you want to do?" the man asks. "I'll give you a вlоw job." the wife replies. So she starts suскing his diск and after 10 seconds, she starts complaining "Oh my God, this is disgusting, your diск tastes like absolute shiт." The man then replies "Yeah, the dog didn't wanna go either."

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God Jokes Men jokes

Research shows that 80% of men don’t know how to use condoms. These men are called dads.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

Two gаy guys are sitting at a little pub looking out the window in a small town. This guy walks by, and the one guy says to the other, "Who is that?" The other man says,
"That's the new proctologist." He replies,
"Well, I've got to meet him." The next day, he makes an appointment and goes in to see him. The doctor asks him, "What's the problem?" and he replies,
"I have a terrible pain in my вuтт." The doctor says,
"Well, let's take a look at it." So he bends over, and the doctor gets down to look in his аss, and he says,
"Oh My God! There's a stick up your аss." The gаy man then says,
"Well, pull it out, pull it out! So he start to pull it out, and notices that it has thorns on it. "Oh my God! There are thorns on it? Well, pull it out, pull it out!" As he pulls it out, he see it's a rose. "Oh my God! It's a rose!" As the gаy man exclaims, "Well, read the card, read the card!"

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God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A nакеd man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the оrgаn.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Who's the most popular male at a nudist colony?
The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

A 96-year old man is pleading with the doctor for a lower sеx drive. "Surely you're imagining things," says the doctor. "You're 96 years old. Isn't all the feeling for sеx just in your head?"
"Yes," replies the elderly man, "that's why I want you to lower my sеx drive to the place where it might do more good."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A guy hears a knock on his door. He opens the door, sees a snail, then picks it up and chucks it as far as possible. Three years later, he hears a knock on his door, opens the door, and sees the same snail. The snail says,
"Hey man, what did you do that for?!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

What family tradition did Robert Kardashian start when he helped get O. J. Simpson acquitted?
Kardashians getting black men off!

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes